Accidentally

Chapter Nine

Why? Why wasn’t Mum here? Did she have to go? I needed her really badly. Who was going to tell me about everything, about love, boys? I was clueless, an alien in St Andrews High School for the High Ability. It’s safe to say I wasn’t your normal teenager.

  My tears gradually lessened to sniffles. I could not cry anymore. I had to be strong. This was not the worst I’d ever been through. I could make it. For a minute I stared into blank air, free of thoughts. Then, I got up and stared at myself in the small mirror that was hung up near my closet. My eyes were blank, expressionless. Misery was blatantly etched across my features, and my depression was worsened by my pallid complexion that highlighted the dark rings under my eyes.

  I stared at my eyes. They were hazel, although people often mistook them to be green. Your mother had those eyes, Dad used to say, at times when he was sober. The only feature I inherited from him was probably my high cheekbones. The rest, my mother.

  I felt my throat constricting again. “No,” I told myself firmly. I watched, deadpan, as a lone tear slipped from my eyes unguarded. My face clearly bored the wretchedness that was swallowing my heart and soul voraciously.

  I slowly walked over to my bed. I then slowly unbuttoned my shirt but kept my singlet on. I scanned my room for the blue penknife. My mum had given it to me a few days before she died, with the words Take this, Audrey. Use it wisely. It will keep you safe. The words were miraculously still etched in my mind. Just like every memory of my mum. Maybe I kept them in my heart because they were all that was left of her, what I could grasp onto.

  I traced my left shoulder, feeling its thinness. I do it there, and not anywhere else because people might see. They’d get suspicious, and what then?

  I lifted the penknife and closed my eyes. I then made a quick swipe on my shoulder with it, creating a strip of red along with the rest that I never allowed to heal. Pain shot through my shoulder and I smiled, embracing the pain, the pleasure that came with it. I felt much better already. What good was I to the world? I was merely a waste of space. I bet you anything that Mum never meant for me to use the penknife this way.

  I pressed on the wound, staining my finger a dark scarlet. The pain escalated again, leaving the wound throbbing relentlessly. I gritted my teeth, beads of sweat running down my face in little streams.

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  I woke up with a start, my heart hammering against my chest furiously. I was feeling warm and my shirt was stained with sweat. What had woken me up? I switched on the light on my nightstand and saw that I had received a message. I lifted an eyebrow. Who would want to text someone like me, someone who owns a Nokia while the rest are making plans to shop for iPhone 5 covers?

  Turns out it was Nathan.

  Hey. How about we meet up soon to discuss Sci project? Tell me when ur free. –Nathan

  Blood filled my cheeks. I was so glad no one was around to see me blush furiously. I bet I looked like a tomato. I quickly typed an answer, my fingers flying across the keypad.

  Kay, I’m free tmr I guess J

  I I hit send, my fingers shaking. A reply came almost straight away.

  Tmr sound good. Be ready at 11, I’ll come get ya!

  I lifted an eyebrow again. He knew where I lived?

  You know where I live?

  I couldn’t help but ask that. What if he ended up at the wrong house or something?

  Don’t underestimate my stalking skills ;) was his reply.

  I have one messed-up life. First, my mum died when I was only 7. Second, my dad is an alcoholic. Third, I’m a nerd and get bullied for it. Fourth, I cut. Fifth, the most wanted guy in the school stalked me and all his admirers are now going to bitch about me. Sixth, I’m meeting up with him tomorrow and I have no flacking idea what I’m doing. Seventh, my supposed new best friend in SAHSFHA told me he loved me, but when I told him the same thing back, he ignored me.

Hey guys, Ari here :) I hope you like this chapter. I got released early from Debate so I went to the library and wrote this while waiting for my parents to pick me up from school. Okay, so please comment and vote. I'm already in the midst of writing Chapter Ten, but I won't post till this chapter gets at least 30 reads, 5 comments and 10 votes :D

LUV YA ALL!