Simulations | "what if it was all a simulation..." | After Allegiant

9.

"I have something I need to tell you," he says. I run my fingers along the tendons in his hands and look back at him.
"I might be in love with you." He smiles a little.
"I'm waiting until I'm sure to tell you, though."
"That's sensible of you," I say, smiling too.
"We should find some paper so you can make a list or a chart or something."I feel his laughter against my side, his nose sliding along my jaw, his lips pressing my ear.
"Maybe I'm already sure," he says, "and I just don't want to frighten you."
I laugh a little. "Then you should know better."
"Fine," he says. "Then I love you."

Tris pulled away from his grasp, daring not to look into his eyes. She knew that all she would see was hurt. 

"Tris. Look at me," he lightly placed his hand under her chin, lifting her head up.

She shook her head, "I can't."

"Tris, I'm the same person that you know. The same person who showed my fears to you. The same person who taught you how to beat the system. The same person who cares with all my heart for you." It was almost like she could feel the hurt pouring out of him like a stream. 

"Maybe you would've been... under those certain circumstances," Her heart was aching as she spoke, "We haven't had those same experiences that I went through. The valleys we lived together through... they don't exist. Not for you at least."

He couldn't reply. He didn't know what to say. 

A deep feeling of remorse started to consume her, "You know you can't tell me that you love me. Not yet."

It was then that she slowly peeled her eyes off the cold cement floor, and looked into his warm brown eyes, "Tobias," she placed her hand on his un-shaved cheek, "It's not you who's changed. Who's different..." She stepped back from him, taking him all in. She could tell he was worried, that she might have never woken up, might have never came back for him. His eyes were baggy, and his body was slightly drooped. 

"My dear Four," she pursed her lips, a tear sliding down her cheek. He caught it before it fell to the floor. 

"Remember watching the simulation I was in?" he slowly nodded, not keeping his eyes off of her.

"It's always been me Four. I'm the one that always changed. For better or for worse, I became a different person. I loved you. But you stayed the same, you didn't journey life with me and loved me. And guess what?"

He opened his lips so thin, the word that came out was barely a whisper, "What?"

"Even if I knew it was all a simulation, if I knew I would die... I'd still do it all again, and I wouldn't change a thing." she said, holding back her tears, before walking off to go eat dinner. 

***

SOOO you likey? 2 updates in one day! (I really enjoyed writing this and chapter 9.) 

I promise you, I almost cried writing this. I got so emotional, and was like "Why do I have to make Tris like this!" but then I realized that it only made sense. 

If you were in this position, you would want time to heal... right? 

Well have a fab fab fab day!

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