Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Eleven

You know that feeling you get when you're standing in a high place and you get the urge to jump? I wonder what it's like to stand next to a window and not feel that. I want to know what it feels like to walk and not want to collapse or see a shiny piece of sharp metal and not be reminded of what awaits you in your drawer back home. I want to know what it's like to eat and not hate every fucking second of it and yourself afterwards. I want to weigh myself and not want to puke at the numbers. Most of all, I want to know what it's like to feel normal.

To not have your thoughts consume you alive on a daily basis would be nice. Perhaps falling asleep and actually wanting to wake up.

The only thing worse than these thoughts would be the entirety of Vic Fuentes, who I find myself craving for some sickening reason I'd rather not verbally state. Because when you say it aloud, it's real.

My problem with therapy would be that. Those painfully stereotypical shrinks probe your minds (hence therapist, the rapist. They rape your minds) for any insight as to why you're so mental, and when they poke you just right, you'll spill and they send you to an institution for being so fucked up. The second you say your problems, they're real. Like the wole saying: the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. You've to admit it to yourself to make it real. If you never do, does it ever really exist? Are you really insane until someone declares you?

Maybe that's my problem. I know good and well I'm entirely fucked up inside and out, but I'd never admit it.

We're all a little fucked in the head- alone and depressed. Some of us pretend we're okay. Maybe I'd like to pretend I am sometimes, but then reality crushed me like a ton of bricks. I'm not meant to be okay. Isn't that a shame? Not really because I don't think I care.

Vic, for fucking once since I was released from the hospital, isn't with me. It's kind of hard when I'm in school. Though I'm not much sure which I'd rather deal with: these illiterate fuck tards, or Vic's persistency to keep me alive. Can't someone just fucking die? Bloody hell. Fuck life. Fuck these god damn thoughts and fuck my friends that I'm coming to realize aren't much of that. Just- fuck.

"Bostwick, attention please." Again, with the goddamn name you asshole.

Maybe I should just purposefully not listen to spite him. That pen he's always clicking drives me further down the road of insanity I've been riding on for a while. God, wouldn't I like to shove that fancy ass Bic down his throat.

I'm in a particularly hostile mood today, aren't I? That's what the world does to you I guess. Such a sad planet going to waste though. Not like I'm making it any better. I'm just as much an oxygen waster as this incompetent mouth-breather beside me but at least I'm trying to fix that.

My gaze drifted out the window for what may just be the tenth time this lesson. Do teachers have any other tone besides monotone?

Rain was again falling hard. There's been a storm the last few days. I've been taking pleasure in that instead of walking out in it like the first day.

Droplets of water collected on the pane of glass, rolling down and taking out every drop in its way. That's kind of how dying is. You can't just vanish, sadly, you have to end up taking some people down with you. I'd like to just evaporate into nothingness and have everyone forget my very existence but I couldn't get that lucky.

"Kellin, could you at least pretend to have an interest in what I'm saying?" He said, directing his attention my way.

The entire class followed his gaze, every set of eyes landing on me. I'm not a fan of attention.

"I've been trying, sir." I forced the words out of my tightening airway.

I wanted nothing more than to scream at every last person, telling them to mind their own fucking business. But I don't feel like sitting an extra hour after school in detention. I can barely handle the eight we're here for.

"Maybe a detention could fix that for you." He said, scribbling what'd undoubtedly be my name on a pink slip and slapping it on my desk.

Goddamn it, Kellin. Shut your mouth for once, will you?

I'm talking to myself again. Maybe I've finally actually lost it. Wouldn't that be nice.

The bell rung, and I don't think I could've bolted from my seat faster. All too soon though, I found myself lost within the mass of teenagers. Everyone was too close. Shoulders bumped into my own and no one saw the need to apologize or even say 'pardon me'. I wouldn't either. I'm not sorry.

Things felt like they were closing in. Things including my airways. I forced my way through an opening leading to a dip in the wall beside a row of lockers. I clung to the cement blocks for dear life. My tongue felt like a balloon and the room went hazy. What the hell is happening?

I gasped for air, soon followed by a choked sob. Everything hurts so fucking much. My veins feel like they're on fire and I can't feel much besides that. Tears pricked my eyes.

I still had a supply of oxygen, it just wasn't coming easily. This is painful. Maybe I wouldn't want to suffocate myself.

My shirt was snatched and I fell to the ground. Sykes towered over me, accompanied by Matt and Ben. Fear consumed every morsel within me.

"Aw, he's crying." Matt made an attempt to sound pathetic, presumably how I look right now, but choked it out with a sadistic chuckle.

My heart sped up a whole lot faster than its normal rate. I pulled my legs to my chest and closed my eyes tightly, praying they'd do whatever that have planned and leave me be. Today isn't a good day for me. Then again, when is any day a good day?

Nothing came though. My ears rang and I was too scared to open my eyes.

I was jerked up from my spot on the floor and was being pulled off. Forcing my eyes open, I was met my the all too familiar wavy brown hair partially tucked beneath a beanie. Sykes held his bloody nose and the other boys either yelled at Vic from where they stood, or was helping Oliver.

Vic led me through the maze of halls and through masses of teenagers as if he had been here before. Once we exited the building, I jerked away.

"What the hell?" I practically screamed once I had gotten air into my lungs. I should be thankful, but he shouldn't be interfering. I deserve whatever I get.

He grabbed my arm once again and pulled me towards his car. "Stop!" I shouted, but he wasn't listening.

The opened the passenger door and motioned for me to sit. Like a child throwing a tantrum, I ripped my arm from him. "I'm not going anywhere with you until you explain."

He sighed and pulled at his hair, pacing around. Something is bothering him. I've never seen him this way and it's scaring me. He has always been so calm about literally everything.

"Vic," I went to speak, but was interrupted.

He practically growled and pushed me against his cold car. The door handle was digging into the flesh of the small of my back, but I was too scared to move. His gaze drifted towards the ground as he gnawed on his bottom lip nervously.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled quietly.

Sorry? He has no reason to be sorry. I should be the sorry one. Sorry for getting into this mess and sorry for falling for someone I can't fucking have, nor will ever have because hell, I'd end up dead before he finds out I ever liked him.

"Just explain, please." I said, hoping to coax something out of him. Anything because damn, I'm confused.

"I had came here to get you out of school because we needed to talk. The principal knows me already, so he told me what class you were in and said I could get you myself." He spoke slowly, as if making sure he understood it himself. "I saw that kid draw back, and you were on the ground in a ball crying hysterically. So, I guess I punched him and here we are." He chuckled at the last part, smiling.

I can't believe he hit Sykes. But wait, how did the principal already know Vic? Had he attended this school? We're they colleagues? So many questions.

"How'd you know the principal?" Confusion dripped from my words too noticeably.

"Just...please Kellin, I'll explain later."

"You didn't wait till later to kidnap me from school." I snapped back, a hit of sassiness to my voice.

Again, he let out an exasperated sigh, before pressing his soft and warm lips to my own chapped ones.