Comfortably Numb (Kellic)

Chapter Four

A knock on the door pulled me into reality. I jerked awake with the feeling of cold water filling every crevice on my lower body. A gasp escaped my lips and I pulled myself out of the tub that was filled with blood spilled from my veins that I wished were dry.

The knock turned into pounding. "Kellin Quinn Bostwick!" My mother chanted from the opposing side of the door.

As quickly as I could, I pulled the drain stop letting the reddened water slurp into the metal ring and threw a long sleeved shirt over my head. My bottom half was partially covered with the white towel. Remnants of my past actions were still very noticeably lying on the floor. My mother had the key, and is without a doubt using that now.

If only she was as persistent on me like this long ago I maybe wouldn't have ended up like this. Broken and horribly insane. No one seems to contain much of a sanity these days anyways. If you let it show though, oh god don't let it show. They'll lock you away in a fashion that'd make jail houses seem like a blissful freedom.

I wiped the floor down as best I could and threw the blood stained towels into the bottom of the hamper. My blade was somewhere tangled in the mass of cloth. As long as she's oblivious, everything is okay.

Just as I had securely wrapped the fabric around my waist, the door handle jiggled and a very worried parent entered the room. Sorry, mock worried parent. She looked as if she had spent hours searching for me. A pang of guilt rose inside. Though was soon replaced with the numbness I've shown for so long. One I've come quite acquainted with kind of like my friends locked away in a drawer for safe keeping. One of which I just threw in the hamper.

"Why are you in here at-" She spoke softly, glancing down at her wrist watch. "Two in the morning, Kellin?"

Had I really been out that long? Not quite long enough nonetheless. I wonder what it'd be like to not wake up from sleep. The fact of nothing being more permanent than that kind of gave me a sadistic rush.

"Just needed some time to think. I guess I fell asleep." I mumbled. It's the same old excuse over and over. You'd think she'd catch it, but nope. Still as oblivious as ever. Which is good. But there's a part of me that begs her to notice. I don't want to be smothered anymore. But when I'm exposed, I feel as if I'm the attention whore. As if I'm doing it because I'm just a misunderstood mother's boy. Misunderstood- yes. Mother's boy? Not hardly.

She smiled softly and wrapped me in a forced hug. Over the years, I've come to realize a true hug, and this isn't one of them. True hugs never come from her. Much like truth never slips past her lips. You learn after so long I guess.

Once the painfully awkward moment was over, she ran a hand through her hair and wished me a good night. As if I'd be going to sleep any time soon.

A bit of me hates the fact that I give her so much Hell. Though the majority believed she deserves it. After what she did, Hell yeah she deserves what she gets. It's partly her to blame for me being the way I am. An absent father and a sorry mother, I was born and raised. Never was I given a true childhood. I envy those that have.

But no matter how much I wanted it to be her fault, it's mine. I'm the reason they're not together. I'm the reason they've never had a life. Well, not much of one. If I hadn't been born, they'd be fine.

I pulled on a loosely fitting outfit and escaped into the cool night air. It's dark, so I'm in no danger of exposing my secret. I rolled up my sleeves and gasped at the cold air combining with the warm welped skin of my wrist.

Everything seems so, distant- I guess you'd say. Like the world is a thousand miles away and I'm watching my life go to shit on a television screen somewhere.