Unwanted. Broken. Abused

Chapter 18

<Hope's p.o.v>

I was in a bright white room. Its empty apart from myself and a door.

The door clicks open, and Xavier walks in.

He grins and strolls over to me.

I'm shaking.

I never thought he'd do that.

I was thunkingbthe same thing over and over again.

Please don't. I'll do anything. Please, stop!

Those thoughts repeated over and over in my head.

They were driving me mental.

Then Xavier laughed.

"Hope, wake up. Your dreaming."

My eyes flew open, and I realized I was still on the couch, and Xavier was leaning over me.

I took deep gulps of air.

"Hope... Are you okay?" I nodded.

Just a bad dream.

He nodded slowly.

"Are you sure, because... Hope, you spoke in your sleep."

I gasped and looked up at him.

I shook my head at him as if he were a mental person.

No way.

He nodded, his face sincere.

"Yes way." There was a pause.

What did I say?

I hope I never said anything that gave away my situation at home.

"You said; 'please don't, I'll do anything. Please stop!' Hope... What did you mean?"

I shrugged and hoped my eyes weren't too revealing.

Like I said, bad dream. I can't remember it, anyway.

Xavier stared at me.

Then he squinched his eyes at me.

"Say something again."

I can't.

"You just did. Hope, please?" He piuted at me.

I laughed nervously and tried saying his name.

I took a deep breath.

"Xa-Xavier."

His eyes widened.

"Say that again!" He demanded. I tensed up and shook my head.

He shuffled closer to me.

I was shaking now.

Stop. Please. I don't like it.

And with that, I ran to the toilet.

I rushed in, locked the door and a single tear fell down my cheek.

I slid down the door and my body shookvwith sobs.

I remembered the night.

With Riley.

And his filty hands.

I was shaking so much, I could barely move. Every time I tried to stand up, my knees auaked beneath me, and I collapsed down.

It was all too much.

And then I saw it.

My escape.

A razor.

It seemed like it was calling me.

Mynlife was already completely fucked up, so what if I find a way to relieve myself of the pain.

I walked over to it, as if in a trance, and lifted it to the vulnerable skin of my wrist. I pressed it down and the blood poured out, hotvamd sticky.

The pain was such a relief.

I wanted to do it again.

So I did.

It felt so perfect.

All my troubles, pouring out of me along with my blood.

And then I came out of the trance.

I looked down at my wrists, and all the blood on the floor.

The wounds were hideous.

I was a monster.

How could I do this?

I should die.

I SHOUKD FUCKING DIE.

WHY ARENT I FUCKING DEAD NOW?

I collapse to the floor, surrounded in my own sobs for what felt like hours, until the door opened a slither, and Xavier's worried face peered in.

His worried expression deepened when he saw all the blood surrounding me.

"Oh my God, Hope. Wait there." I couldn't really do much else.

I was such a monster.

I am a monster.

Xavier came back about 10 minutes later, with loads of bandages, and Blake.

Blake saw me, and he rushed to my side.

I avoided contact with all of them.

I couldn't face it.

I couldn't face what a monster I was.

I couldn't face my life.