If Only

Chapter 26 - The Line

A pang of sadness shot through my body like a freight train, unwelcome and unforgiving. One thing I had learned about losing someone, was that missing them never went away, you just learned to live with the loss. But sometimes it suddenly hit you, when you felt like the world was too much and too overwhelming to bear. Learning to pull myself out of that pit of depression was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

And right now, I missed my mom.

I let myself think about her for a minute. Think about our small home in Kentucky. Think about when it was the two of us against the world, and for some reason that comforted me. Because I was her person and she was mine. And as much as I loved all my friends, I was nobody's person. I hadn't been since my mom had fallen asleep in her bed for the last time.

Maybe at one point I might have held the hope that I had been Tyson's person, but now... now all thoughts involving him left me hurt and confused.

Not for the first time in my life, I craved normalcy. A simple life with simple problems. Not this, whatever this was.

Someone sat down beside me, causing me to gasp slightly. I had been so zoned out I didn't even notice a person sitting right next to me. I glanced to find that person to be Will, who was as quiet as normal.

Will and I could relate a lot when it came to the way we grew up. He never had his father in his life, and his mom passed away when he was sixteen, prompting him to move here to live with his distant relative. I figured Will would be the one to best understand mourning, the life-changing loss that would always follow you. Will, Lizzy, Greyson and Marco had all lost a parent; but only Will had left everything he had behind once that loss took place. He lost a home and a person all at once.

I often felt there was a mutual respect between us for that.

And so I asked him the question that I already knew the answer to, because I knew he would give me the truth and nothing but the truth.

"So it's everyone, right? Not just Greyson," I finally asked, breaking the silence between us.

"Yeah," he answered, confirming my suspicions.

Everything seemed to piece together in my head. Every odd phrase and well-hidden secret. Their strength and abilities that I had always chalked up to being in shape. I suddenly felt stupid for not having figured it out before. And I couldn't help the small betrayal I felt because this secret they had all kept from me. Did that mean they didn't trust me? Surely they knew that I would be loyal to them, that I would never reveal this kind of thing to anyone.

"It's supreme law that we can't tell anyone. We would've told you in a second if that wasn't the case," Will told me, as if he could sense the thoughts running rampant in my mind.

"I understand."

In all honesty, I did. I understood how a secret like this would need to be protected, kept away from anyone who wasn't directly involved. But that didn't silence the nagging voice in the back of my head, telling me that I didn't have their trust.

"We don't expect you to," he revealed, and I tilted my head in confusion. "Law or not, we still kept something huge from you. We're already prepared for a less than enthused reaction and don't expect you to just accept it and move on."

I wanted to smile at their understanding, they made it difficult to be upset with them.

"Greyson...he just killed Josh," I stammered.

"And he would do it again," he stated matter-of-factly, and I blanched at him. I didn't know what I had expected him to say, but certainly not this.

"He was pointing a gun at you, Sammy. If anything, the fucker deserved worse than what he got," Will asserted, and I shook my head at the insanity of this situation.

"How do you guys get away with this stuff?" I asked, the image of Josh's mangled body assaulting my mind. "He just killed someone, Will."

"We can clean up most of our dirty work, and we leave the rest to the ones who know how to make a person go 'missing'. Got ourselves plenty of allies in the legal system too," he answered casually.

"Not claiming we're great people. But we look out for our own, and we don't make habits of killing anyone unless they're a threat to us. Especially humans," he continued.

"Humans," I laughed humorlessly, odd to hear him reference himself as something other than that.

"So, what does that make you all? Werewolves?" I questioned, wondering if it was what I had been thinking.

"Lycans," he corrected, casually as if it had just been a simple grammar error.

This entire situation was the definition of insanity. Finding out your best friends of two years were lycans, who had murdered others before, but only in the name of protection. And I couldn't help but wonder, why all of these people had befriended me. I was just an everyday, run of the mill human, why and where did I fall into this life of theirs?

"Freaked out?" he asked, a small grin on his lips.

"The freak out is slowly declining, but yeah, I'm freaked out," I responded, which only caused his grin to grow.

"Thanks for explaining this. I know how much you hate talking," I added, but he only shrugged.

"Don't hate it. I talk when I have something important to say," he stated simply, and that was that. We sat silent for a moment, watching as the last remnants of the daytime light began to fade.

"Do you ever miss home?" I asked him suddenly.

"No," he answered, no hesitation whatsoever.

"Paige is my home. Our pack is my home," he went on, a smile tugging at my lips at his words, glad that he had found his new home here.

Despite the crappy hand he had been dealt, he seemed like he was perfectly content and happy with his life now. And that was all I could ever ask for; that my friends were able to all find their own happiness.

I took a deep breath, wondering what else could possibly make my life more complicated than it already was. Knowing my track record, there was surely something. My ribs burned in pain as my adrenaline dissipated.

Whatever else was surely coming my way, I just hoped it would ram into my life when I could take a breath without being in pain. I let out a breathy laugh and slumped my head into my hands, fighting away a laugh at the unbelievable situation I was in. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be reacting, still dumbfounded as I looked up and saw the rest of my friends emerging from the building and couldn't help but be happy to see them.

I guess normal was overrated.