If Only

Chapter 23 - Not Your Fault

Minds are racing

It's hard to sleep man

When I'm shaking...

Yah the dark days find a way

-Cody Jinks; Loud & Heavy

*~~~~&~~~~*

Zane POV

I took a steadying breath. Then another one. Then one more.

It didn't seem to matter how much time passed, because it wasn't dulling the emotions coursing through me right now. Liz sat beside me, her hand in mine, and it was hard to see that look in her eyes. I squeezed on her hand tighter, and she returned the gesture with a small smile.

"I love you," she said to me, and I could practically feel how deeply and truly she meant the words as she said them.

"I love you," I responded, leaning in to kiss her forehead, lingering as I took in a breath of her scent. The citrusy smell was one that seemed to breathe more life into me, just as it always had.

Early morning light was now peering through the window, and I couldn't help but release a sigh. We were all drained, mentally and physically. None of us had slept throughout the night, staying with Sammy as long as we were able until we had to begrudgingly leave to carry out pack duties.

"Heyo," Paige greeted with a smirk, walking in beside Will.

The two of them had just overlooked the shift change as dawn broke over the forest trees, which they did every morning. It was one of the many jobs placed upon Will, being Head Warrior, and Paige gladly joined to offer her assistance. It was lucky that she happened to be one of the top warriors in the pack before she even mated Will, because she was able to help him much more efficiently. Plus, it also meant our inner circle had even more strength.

Marco flipped her off, then Nia followed suit. I just gave them a pointed look, daring Marco and Nia to yell as they did a few hours ago. All of us bickered, it was inevitable when you lived and worked alongside each other every day, but those three could get on each other's nerves like no other.

"Don't look at us like that. You yelled too, hypocrite," Nia shot back, being just as combative as normal.

I just rolled my eyes, ignoring her statement. The primal and dominant part of me didn't want to let the comment slide, but I pushed it away, knowing it would be unnecessary to lash out over the dumb jab. Disrespect from others wasn't tolerated towards anyone who was part of the inner circle, especially the Alpha and Luna. But unless it was a very serious circumstance, status didn't matter much when it came to everyone inside the inner circle talking to one another. You couldn't expect your family to be tip-toeing around each other just because someone else was of higher rank.

That being said, it didn't mean that one threatening look from Greyson wasn't enough to make anyone shit their pants and shut their mouth. He was family, but he was also Alpha to the Potestas Pack, highest ranked of all in North America, making him the leader of all other packs in our continent. Making him the leader of us.

"He still up there?" Will asked, and I nodded in response.

Greyson hadn't left Sammy for a moment since she had gotten out of surgery, but none of us tried to convince him to do anything but, knowing we would need to do the same for our own mates. So, we simply took as much of his workload for the day as we were able, trying to lighten his responsibilities.

We hadn't all spoken much on the matter, but we knew each other well enough to understand the guilt that was weighing heavily on all of us. We knew each other well enough to know that Marco couldn't handle the silence, because that meant being left alone to his thoughts. That Nia was more quarrelsome than normal, because it angered her to no end. That despite being quiet, Will was carrying it all with every part of him. That Paige was being crazy and rambunctious, just to try to shove down and ignore everything.