Never Have I Ever

Chapter Three

I rested my head on my sweatshirt as I sat at my old Pre-Calculus desk in Mr. Garvin’s classroom.  I had to wait for my mom to be able to get me after school let out most days and since I’d been in Mr. Garvin’s class for Algebra, Algebra 2, Geometry, and Pre-Calculus, he was okay with me chilling here.

“V. Morris, lovely to see you here. How you feeling?” I laughed and shook my head in my sweatshirt as I heard the bright lively voice of the football coach and my former teacher, Mr. Garvin.

“I made a stupid bet over the weekend.” I told him honestly sitting up and running a hand through my hair. It was so messy and curly since I hadn’t taken the time to straighten it this morning.

“Really? Well, Vienna doing something stupid. That’s not a first or anything.” I glared at him in jest while he laughed at his own joke. It was good he thought he was funny because no one else did.

“Oh shush. I’m smart and you know it.”

“Vi, let me explain something to you.” He sat down on the front of his desk and looked at me with a soft expression. “You are the smartest child I have ever not taught. Like seriously, I didn’t teach you a thing. You taught yourself and just picked up on what I wanted you to learn. However, you are so stupid. I’ve seen you ‘date’,” He made air-quotes as he said this, “Countless boys and each one was worst then the last. You don’t do smart things. It’s not your nature. You’ve got the books down, but now the rest of life.”

“Gee thanks, Garvin. You’re a delightful person to talk to. Ever consider working for a suicide hotline?” I rolled my eyes as I pressed my face once more into my sweatshirt.

“Actually I thought about it in college, but I flunked psychology. I also flunked a math course because I couldn’t remember Pythagorean’s theorem. That’s when I decided to be an education major instead. It was a good choice.”

“And they let you teach. Peachy.”

“You’re just a Debbie Downer.”

“Like the Little Debbie snacks, but they’re happier. Yea, I know. You’ve told me.” I finished his sentence and listened as his laughter filled the room.

“So what this bet, Downer?”

“I bet Liam’s cousin that I could fall in love.” He laughed even louder at this and I lifted my head in confusion.

“Oh god, you’re serious. Okay, well Morris, let me give you a crash course in love.” He got up and walked to his class board and started drawing. “This is a boy. I’m going to name him Guy. This is a girl. Her name is Vienna. Hey, so is yours look at that.” I rolled my eyes as he gestured to the stick drawings he’d made.  

“What a coincidence.” I said sarcastically as he drew blocks between the two figures on the board.

“Now this is a wall. Naturally boys and girls have walls. However, over time as you make friends this wall goes away. Like when you start talking and realizing you have stuff in common. Then when you start complimenting each other and getting a little flirty more go away.” He erased half of the wall. “However, say that Guy really likes Vienna. He asks her on a date, they date. He asks her to be his girlfriend. What does she do? She puts the wall back up.” He drew the bricks back. “And then, Guy and Vienna and the friendship they worked so hard to build are dead.” He stopped and capped his marker.

“What?” I asked incredulously.

“Okay fine. Here’s how it really works. When guys like girls they just tell them. They’re obvious about it. Sometimes they beat around the bush, but most of the time they stick out like a sore thumb when they try to hide their feelings. Girls are tricky and you Ms. Morris are the trickiest because you have this habit of ditching boys as soon as they start to like you. My wife was the same way, however my charm and skills lulled her into me and she never thought of leaving. However, you may never be so lucky as to find a boy like me so I’ll have to teach you to be a better girl.”

I snorted and shook my head. “A better girl? A guy is going to teach me that?”

“Yes.” He answered simply before continuing. “Now, think of it this way. To fall in love you need to open up and get to know the other person. You need to let them into your life and walk into their life. Love is a give and take. Whatever you take you need to give back. It’s all about balance. You’ve got what it takes, you just can’t do stupid things like standing boys up or knocking on their penis size anymore. It’s a turn off.”

“How do you know that?” He laughed at my question and shook his head.

“I coach football. I hear what the boys say.” I scowled and thought of all the terrible things he’d probably heard about me. “But first, you need to find a boy. So who is it going to be?”

As the question left his mouth, a boy from the football team rushed into the room.

“Coach, we need your key to the weight room.” Garvin tossed his key at the boy, who I didn’t recognize, and looked back at me.

“I’ll be down when Vienna’s ride picks her up.” He called to the boy who was running down the hall again. I simply sat their gawking.

“Who was that?”

“Jacoby. He’s in your grade. You have Algebra with him and Geometry in your Freshman year. Don’t you remember?” I shook my head ‘no’ and tried to remember him.

“He use to have shorter hair, glasses, and braces. He was a chubber too. His hair grew, his braces came off, and he started wearing contacts after his glasses shattered during practice. And he’s lost weight since we told him he wouldn’t make it as a running back if he was fat.” I nodded as I thought about the entire thing. I couldn’t remember him at all, but I never really talked much to the kids in my Algebra or Geometry class since I had already studied the material with my grandfather.

“I pick him.” I said with a sigh answering Mr. Garvin’s earlier question.

“Well, good luck with that. He’s got a girlfriend right now and he’s got a bit of a name for being a player.”

“Garvin?”

“Yea?”

“When has a girlfriend and a bad reputation ever stopped me? You’ve seen the boys I brought around here.”

“Oh V. Morris, you are trouble. Don’t hurt him. He’s our best runner.”

“I won’t. I have a bet to win remember.”