Strings (Ryan Gosling × Reader)

Chapter 23 - Date

Lying in my bed, I beat myself up for procrastinating the dress thing. I knew I should've gone out earlier, but who said I had the time?

I can't sleep thinking about what I'm gonna wear, what stores I'm gonna go to, or if I'll find anything that flatters me even slightly. My difficult body doesn't help at all, and neither does my face or my stupid hair. When I look back and think of my skirt suits I've worn to work, of course, I feel like I look good, but "good" as in a cosplay, a dressup. I never feel like I actually am a serious woman, that I actually can be formal and proffessional, I'm always the girl from highschool, playing of being a woman. Paying taxes, working and driving just to mask that I actually have no idea what I'm doing. And the clothes I wear feel like costume fabric against my skin.

 Imagine at the premirere, what am I gonna roleplay of, a Disney princess?

I roll to my side on the bed, sighing audibly, shoving my face in my hands, repeating to myself that it's just one night, and no one will pay attention to me. No one will care. No one will take pictures of Ryan's assistant walking in his shadow. 

As soon as my sigh ends, I hear a ringing in my ears. The ringing of my personal phone, but it's Ryan's ringtone. 

Ryan is calling?

At this hour?

I uncover my face and reach for my phone, seeing Ryan's name on my screen, and swiping up to answer as I lay on my back again.

"Hey Ryan, what's up?" I speak, rubbing my forehead with my hand.

"Hey... sorry calling so late..." His voice was soft and quiet, he sounded nervous.

"No, it's alright." My arms stretch a bit.

"Can't sleep?"

"No..." I answer, my voice a bit mellow, sighing as I release the tension in my muscles.

"Yeah, me neither..." he sighs.

"I keep thinking about the premiere... I'm gonna go shopping tomorrow, since you don't have anything... But don't hesitate to call if you need me..."

"Yeah, no, that's alright, of course, but uh... I... actually wanted to ask you something." It's not often I hear him hesitate like this.

"Oh, sure," I furrow my brows, not expecting anything much "what is it?"

"Um... I was thinking... if you wanted to go to the premiere with me."

I furrow my brows even further, my sleepy brain squeezing in confusion.

"Ryan, I'm you assistant, of course I'm going, we talked about it-"

I'm stopped by his nervous sigh.

"No, uh, that's not what I meant, I meant.. with me.. as a date."

A date?

"A date?.. As your date?"

"Yeah, you know... like... you and me... together. My date, yeah." 

Oh my.

"Oh... Ryan, I..." I don't know what to say, my lips try to shape words, but my breaths try to keep themselves stable.

"Do you.. want to?" I've never heard his voice so small and brittle.

I decide to end his insecurity instantly.

"Yes!" Not so enthusiastically maybe "I mean.. yes, of course, yeah." I try to nod myself back into reality, but the smile fights against any behaving. "Of course..."

"Good... cool. Hah.. I.. alright." His words are separated by soft chuckles, he was clearly smiling.

Oh wow.

I'm having a hard time believing this...

I can't find words to say, but I hope he knows how widely I'm smiling right now.

"Well, uh... I guess that means you can't just rent something at the mall."

"What?"

What does that mean?

"Yeah, you're gonna buy something real nice for yourself."

"But Ryan-"

"Don't worry, I'm putting a little something in your account, it's my treat."

"Ryan... You really don't have to..."

"But I want to. I want you to have nice things, and I want you to enjoy yourself and not just wear a cheap rental from the nearest mall. It's the dress you want and that's the end of it." He suddenly sounded so confident and decisive.

My heart thumps against my ribs, and I feel it reach my entire body, from the tip of my toes up to the ends of my hair. This was so exciting, too good to be true. But here it is.. true as ever.

"Okay?"

"Okay..."

"And I only wanna see the dress on Sunday... I want you to surprise me."

"Okay." I smile giddily, the excitement taking over me. 

"Alright then... I'll... I'll see you Sunday." His sweet, almost timid voice bids me farewell.

"I'll see you Sunday..."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

"G...goodnight." I still couldn't grip reality.

There's a moment of silence as I wait to hear the final boop sound of the hung up call, a moment of wonder, of blinking, of pinching to see if I'm dreaming like last time. But the wonder proved itself to be real, because I feel my eyelids open and shut at every blink, and it hurts when I pinch my skin. 

Once I hear the boop, I stare at the ceiling, the widest smile stretching my lips across my face, and I can feel my heart everywhere, the flutter of butterfly wings tickling me from the insides of my stomach. I can't help but feel like a teenage girl that got asked for prom, and it feels even better, because I never was. 

He asked me to be his date.. for his movie premiere... He asked... ME... to be his date. HIS date... He ASKED me... God, I... I'm... I'M his date!

No matter how much I emphasize different parts of the sentence, everything hits the same, and everything hits hard, like it's life knocking on my door.

I'm his date!

Him insisting to pay for my dress... How certain he sounded then, and how nervous he sounded before... I must be fantasizing very vividly, I keep questioning myself, but the walls are still here and the floor is still the same. I don't have even one second to have a credible doubt. 

I don't remember when was the last time I felt so happy, so giddy, so... so...

So in love.

And there's someone I want to share it with.

I have to text Sally.

I pick up my phone and find her contact, texting her in the speed of light and send it, my smile never fading or faltering the slightest bit.

Sally, tomorrow we're going to rich bitch street.