Strings (Ryan Gosling × Reader)

Chapter 19 - Rest

anything - Adrianne Lenker

Ryan wrapped me in one of the blankets tossed over my couch as he handles himself around my kitchen, preparing me a cup of tea. I repeat everything I said earlier today in my head. I really lashed out, didn't I? And after I was done, I got so tired, like I wasn't numb anymore to the effort I made into bottling up my struggle.

"Here," Ryan hands me a mug full of tea, gently setting it between my hands as he sits down beside me slowly and carefully "careful, it's hot."

"Thanks..." I hold it close to my chin, blowing softly over the tea, the steam warming up my face as I do. He made it so meticulously, and he managed to get my favourite mug right.

He settles on the couch, leaned back, staring ahead before turning to me. I feel his gaze on me as my lips rest over the ceramic, trying to cool down the drink while performing as little effort as possible. My body feels worn, like a bag that recieved direct abuse every day, and now suddenly, it's resting in a closet.

Guilt swirls in my stomach like acid, and it's growing a hand that reaches up at my throat, clutching it tight. I let out a soft spoken apology.

"...I'm sorry for everything I said earlier..." my hands clasp around the warm mug, bringing me comfort.

"It's okay..." He replied so sweetly.

"No, it's not okay..." I shook my head "I was.. so rude and.. ungrateful.. and I lied.. I don't go unnapreciated at all.. You're so kind and you always thank me so much... And I acted like you didn't care at all..."

"Y/N, don't worry about it..." His voice was so soft and gentle. 

"But I was so unfair to you..."

"It's okay." He smiled and shrugged slightly "I always knew something like this would happen."

"You did?"

"Yeah. Of course I did. It's no wonder, really." His eyes flicked their gaze along my face "You're always riding solo and avoiding any kind of help I or anyone else offers. I offered you a day off and you refused. You didn't want to accept the phone I gave you after I broke yours. Heck, you wouldn't even let me drive you home!"

I chuckle a bit "I had to have a mental breakdown for you to finally drive me home, huh?"

We both share a moment of giggling before I sigh.

"I guess... I do act pretty... independent."

"I always knew.. you were stressed all the time, and that you're overworked.. and you try to put up such a strong front, but I see through it.. you overestimate yourself." He pauses, before abruptly resuming "Not that you aren't already amazing at what you do, I mean that everybody has a limit, and yours isn't the sky, but just before it, and you were trying to go to space! You know what I mean?"

"Yeah, no, I know..." I bow my head, rubbing my thumb over my knuckles "I'm sorry I got you worried..."

"Don't apologize..." He shifted closer "I'm just... I'm still worried. I'm worried about you, about your mental health.. and your physical health! I mean, what was all that about you never being this skinny?" His eyes scan me up and down quickly, probably wondering I wasn't skinny at all and trying to imagine how I used to look for this to be considered that for me.

"Ah..." I chuckle, but I'm not able to say a word first since Ryan's worry takes over.

"Have you not been eating well? What is it?"

"I don't know... I don't... pay much attention to it."

"Well, you're gonna start paying attention. You're taking time off."

"What?"

"Yeah, you're gonna take some time off."

"Ryan, I can't do that, you always ask me to be there for you, and now you're asking me to stay at home?"

"Make the exception and take the week."

"A WEEK??" I exclaim, my eyes widening "You must be out of your mind to assume I would stay home for a week!"

"Fine, a few days, or even just one, but I need you to promise me you'll rest."

"..." Silence occupies my throat, and I only feel air current through it.

"...Look." He turns to me fully, his hands  cupping around my shoulders "Today is..." he ponders to himself.

"Tuesday."

"Tuesday, right." he nodded "So tomorrow is wednesday, You stay home, and then every wednesday will be your day off."

"But, Ryan, there's the press tour, and-"

"I can manage myself alone one day every week. I want you well, I want you rested, and I also want you to have a life of your own. You know, Sally is the only friend of yours I know that you have, and you don't even have time to hang out with her!"

"Hm..." I lower my head again, thinking of Sally for a moment.

"I'm not demanding you to hang out with her tomorrow or every wednesday. Actually, I'd preffer it if you just.. stayed home tomorrow.. and took care of yourself. I'm just saying... you're a whole person.. and you're allowed to want to do your own things.. like you said.. you can have.. a lot more than just two seconds to think about yourself.. and do your own things... and go out with your friends... friend, in this case." 

I chuckle almost sadly, but his tender voice got the best of me. He rubbed his thumb up and down my shoulder.

"But not tomorrow. Tomorrow.. sleep in.. snuggle up in your blankets and pjs.. do nothing all day... and eat a real meal for once."

I look up at him after a slight scoff. He pauses for a moment before smiling softly.

"Okay? You promise?"

"...Fine, I promise."

"Okay... good." Now drink up your tea. It's gonna get cold." He gently pushes the mug closer to my lips as they curve a soft smile.

"Fine..." I take a tiny sip before I turn to him again. "And you didn't break my phone. At least not directly."

"Shh, shut up." He chuckled, and I couldn't stop my smile as my mouth landed on the rim of the mug again, taking another sip of the tea Ryan made me.