I Hope That I Make You Proud

10

(Vic's POV)

Sometimes I want to cry...when I see myself now. I look at myself and lost all my pride, I'm not sure how this came to happen- who am I kidding?! I always say this! I don't know how this happened.

I know I'm lying to myself.

I'm always angry...at the thought of seeing Kellin walking out and just hanging with some other guy! I don't even want to think about it, it just makes my head hurt and I want to scream.

"Woah...Vic, are you okay?" I heard someone ask. I looked up to see Jaime staring by the living room door frame. He looked a bit surprised.

"I'm fine, why?' I answered through my teeth and looked away.
"Well, you're fucking pulling out your hair...and from the amount of bottles I see...you must be drunk," he said with a light chuckle at the end.

"I' fine Jaime, I would like to be alone if you don't mind," I answered. I didn't even bother to hide my attitude. I just wanted to punch everything...break something. I couldn't take in one single sound, not even Jaime's voice.

"Damn man...I'll leave, but take it easy on the drinks," he mumbled the last part, but was purposely audible for my drunk sake.

I could hear him walk away, and soon after I was able to turn the little attention span I had to hear the voices a room-distance away.

"Dude, something's up with Vic," heard Jaime.
"What do you mean?" someone else, Tony I guess, spoke.

"I walked in happy as ever to invite him out to eat because Kellin isn't here to cook and all...but he came around with this bitch attitude," once again he whispered the last few words.

"Just leave him...he's been working hard lately and-" Mike spoke but was then cut off.
"Fuck Mike, I work hard to but I'm not bitching!" Even thought he was whispering, he was still loud.
"Okay cut it out, let's just leave, I'm fucking hungry!" Tony complained to both of them.

"Fine, but just keep in mind that my feelings were hurt," Jaime commented last. I heard the light chuckle I was used to from Mike and saw them walk by the hallway.

"Vic...do you wanna go out to eat?" Tony asked.
"I'm not hungry," I said, pulling in my knees and hugging them tightly. I took the bottle near me and drank from it.

"Suit yourself," Mike said and he placed an arm around Tony and dragged him out. They all left and I was all alone now...

All alone...

I went upstairs and into the bathroom, feeling bait anxious.

I sat on the closed lid of the toilet seat. I turned around and removed the lid from the back part of the toilet and pulled out a small Ziplock bag.

In it, was a couple substances, drugs, that I had managed to hide for quite some time. I quickly pulled out a dollar and parted my substances and stared my own process.

As soon as I was done, I hid everything in it's place and took a deep breath and looked around to see if any thing would rat me out. I couldn't risk a single thing...I would be in so much trouble.

But now, everything was okay. My secret is kept and no one will know...no one.

I couldn't help but jump in my spot for a second and lean against the wall. I couldn't stop my fast breathing. I opened the door quickly and it crashed loudly against the wall, causing me to look at the door desperately for any broken marks, but it was perfectly fine.

I walked to my bed and plopped onto it and tried to breath calmly, but I just felt myself breath with exaggeration.

"Fuck," I mumbled as I closed my eyes and just focused on my inner thoughts...but I couldn't hear a thing...it was more jumbled up. My voice now...a voice somewhere else...another voice...but, which one is mine...this one...or that one.

But then I focused on one sound...my heart beat. It was so quick, I couldn't even keep count.

I then opened my eyes and focused on my body to stand up straight on the floor.

As soon as I tried to look around, I was dizzy...it was impossible to focus, so I held onto the nightstand next to me. I then stood up straight once I managed to see once more.

I walked down the hall and managed my way into the living room. How I got down to the living room so fast...was so weird.
I sat down on the couch and tilted my neck back...my body felt numb again.

My head doesn't hurt anymore...I feel light but heavy.

That sounds stupid. I'm always stupid..,maybe because I'm so stupid Kellin is leaving for another person. No, wait...Kellin loves me. Kellin loves me...does he love me?

Or was I just an excuse to get away from his own home?

Did he use me? Why would he do that? I love him so much, but now he goes off and leaves me! I'm no longer important! Some other guy is! Some other guy!

"Why can't he just be here with me?" I spoke outloud. Something that I occasionally did by myself.

I started looking around when I heard the sound of an engine getting near the front of the house. I stood up and looked out te window only to see a big blur. I couldn't see out very far. This only caused me to feel more angry. But I knew someone was walking into the home I could her the lock to the door being opened.

I got up from te couch lazily and walked to the hall, only to see Kellin standing at the door and waving goodbye to someone...he turned around and he slightly jumped when he saw me standing there.

"Vic, you're home?" He questioned. I didn't answer, it was as if I couldn't form words very well, so I stood silent.

"Um, Vic?" He asked walking near me and lightly touching my shoulder. I then brushed him off and walked away. I didn't even want to deal with him.

I was just so fucking jealous about the fact that he goes out and about with some random guy and just comes home like nothing! Then he comes asking if I was home, like if he's surprised about my presence.

"Vic, are you mad-" he touched my shoulder again, and all I could feel my body do, was react with a wild swing. And my hand crashing against his face.

"Am I mad?! Fuck you Kellin! How can I not be mad?!" I yelled and felt my body do things they would never do in a same state.

My legs kicked at him
My arms swung at him
My words hurt him more than anything...

That I know...

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(A/N: Hello...so I know I rushed into this a bit. Sex...them fight. It should be the other way around. Fight, then sex!

So I apologize for that!

I have to many stories, and writing has become difficult. Maybe a cowrite wouldn't be so bad...

This took me two days to write, I'm a bit disappointed, but I attempted to update to make me happy and readers as well!

Enjoy! Many chapters to come!

Take a look at my other stories to! \(^-^)''/)