Johnny Gets His Wings

Chapter 24

As you probably know, most Walmart locations are open 24-hours a day. So I didn't get home until well past midnight. I was surprised to see my father sitting at the kitchen table. He was drinking whiskey and humming a Pink Floyd song. Pink Floyd was his favorite band. He simply couldn't get enough of that terrible music.

I said, "What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? I'm getting drunk and singing songs to myself."

"Are you depressed?"

He waved his hands dismissively at the notion. "I'm not some no-account loon like your crazy mother. Have no fear. I'll get back up on the pony."

"Well, you have a job interview at 3 p.m. tomorrow with my boss, Mr. Benoit. He says that it's merely a formality. But you do need to complete an online application."

He smiled at me. "Thanks, son. What does it pay?"

"Fifteen an hour."

He took a big swallow of Jack Daniel's. "Fifteen an hour. So that's what it comes down to. A man goes to a fine school like LSU and earns a master's degree in history. And what does he get in return? The same amount of pay as a fucking retard."

I went to the refrigerator and poured myself a glass of Coke. "Funny enough, but we actually have retarded people who work at the store. Well, a couple of ladies with Down Syndrome. I'm not sure if that counts as retarded."

He laughed loudly and sighed. "Oh, trust me, it counts. And how much do they make?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm not really sure."

Dad suddenly changed the subject. "I got a strange call from your grandfather."

"Yeah? What did he say?"

He took another belt of booze. "He claims that you're some type of male prostitute who's been boning an older woman in town. I figured that he was drunk."

"Well, he's half right."

"Which half?"

"The part of boning an older lady in town is true. But I'm not a male prostitute."

"Help me, Jesus. Who is this lady?"

"Mr. Bradley's wife, Darlene."

Dad frowned and shook his head. "I know Darlene."

"Really?"

"Yup. She often came to the faculty parties. She's a real looker. Those tits of hers are awesome."

I looked around the kitchen suspiciously. "Where's Mary Jane?"

"She's in the room sleeping. Are you surprised? That's what your mom does best?"

"I just don't want her to hear all this sex talk."

He took a pull from his whiskey glass. "Don't worry so much. That woman can't hear a thing. She's out like a light."

Then Dad said something which really surprised me. "When you were at Darlene's house, did you run into an old pervert named General Buckhauser?"

My heart skipped a beat. "I sure did."

"And did you...perform...in front of him?"

"Well, my business is my business."

He patted me on the shoulder. "It's OK. I won't dig any deeper."

"How did you know about General Buckhauser?"

"Everybody in town has heard of the old goat. He's sort of an urban legend."

"No shit?"

He nodded his head up and down. "No shit."

And then the awful truth occurred to me. Not only was Dad screwing Betsy the basketball player. He was also sticking his dick into dirty Darlene. The realization was very disappointing to say the least.