Suffocating Joy {Nightmare x Reader}

His...what?

Cross seemed more than surprised about the relationship I had with the seemingly cold and unloving king; perhaps he was a little concerned. "I mean...I know I said it made sense, but– but him?" I sighed for the umpteenth time in the last 15 minutes of explaining how Nightmare and I started dating. "Yes, him." "I...still don't get why." "Because he's more than just some fancy king that everyone seems to see as pure evil or emotionless. He's a really sweet guy and he takes really good care of me. I– don't understand why you even care. I mean we've– barely talked before, Cross." The monochromatic skeleton flushed and turned his head, the purple dawning on his cheeks almost instantly. Was he embarrassed? "I mean, you're with Killer, right?"

Cross's cheeks purpled more, leading to an amused smirk tainting my formerly serious expression. "I...well yeah, but– but I know..." Cross sighed and scratched the top of his skull for a moment, avoiding eye contact as the embarrassed blush faded. "You...know Dream, right?" "Of course, he's my boyfriend's twin." "Well Dream and I used to, uh...be together. And I'm not just shittalking or gossiping but...but they aren't good lovers. They forget we're mortals and forget that our time is limited because theirs isn't. We're nothing to them, we're just some way to pass the time until a more attractive mortal comes along to sweep them off their feet. They just want entertainment and–"

"Cross!" The skeleton's gaze snapped up to meet mine, shrinking back slightly at what I had to assume was one of the most pissed off humans he's ever had to deal with. "Dream might be like that, but Nightmare isn't. I appreciate the concern and I'm sorry Dream was shitty to you, but Nightmare's not like that." "You don't understand!" I sighed and gave him an annoyed glance, watching as he played with his hands in a failed attempt at calming his nerves before speaking up again: "It's like that at the beginning, sure. You're their everything until suddenly they stop remembering or caring to tell you where they go. You have to beg their friends to tell you and even then, they keep secrets and you can't help but wonder if you're just not good enough anymore. It took a while for Dream to start losing interest, but Dream's whole thing is positivity. But...him? He thrives off the pain and hurt of others, who's to say that this isn't his latest twisted game."

I felt every muscle in my body tense in frustration. He had the audacity to tell me that my own lover didn't care about me? That I was just as insignificant as some...new ploy? Some new grab for negativity? Cross must've sensed he fucked up, because he started talking again. "I'm not saying your relationship isn't real, I'm just telling you that maybe he's not all what he seems to be. I– I don't want you to get hurt." "I just think you're trying to justify your dislike for Nightmare by spinning it into a 'I want to help' kinda thing." "That's not it at all!" I gave him another glare and he held his hands in mock surrender. "I really do like him, he's my Boss! But–...but I know him. And I know that I'm not the only one that thinks this is one of his phases where he tries something new just because. I've known him for years, (Y/N)...and it just isn't like him to actively seek out romance."

I tried to think about the bullshit Cross was spewing objectively. Someone I know well...let's use Zain. Zain decides to start dating...a guy. The token straight with a guy, okay. That's weird. Especially if he starts acting...nice and not...oh. Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me. "Cross, I...I gotta say sorry." "I– you do?" "Don't act surprised, you ass. I...I know you know Nightmare a lot better than me, and I really appreciate the concern but...I really do think he's...he's..." Is he? Is he really interested in me? Or am I some game to him? No, surely not...maybe? No! "He's not that kind of person. He may not necessarily be a good person, but he's sure as hell not a bad person, either." Cross nodded in understanding, rubbing his neck. "I...I'm sorry too. I got way too invested because of–" "Yeah, I get it..." "...so, we cool?" "Yeah, we're cool."

Cross and I had a somewhat pleasant conversation, completely off another topic that had nothing to do with Nightmare or Dream. In fact, Cross talked about Killer a lot, how much he liked him and that despite Killer's claim to not having emotions, that's he's got this really soft side that Cross reveled in being one of the few to see it. Cross eventually left because Killer had texted him to come have breakfast, which left me alone in Nightmare's room again. I wondered what Killer had stolen...so maybe I could take a look at it? I walked into the bathroom and saw a drawer that wasn't quite closed, opening it more and seeing a small, leatherbound book with a silver moon insignia on the clasp. I opened it up and saw that immediately, there were two bookmarked pages. I flipped to the first one:

Today, I find myself once again reflecting deeply upon my feelings for (Y/N). It is rare for me to allow myself the vulnerability of emotion, yet (Y/N) evokes a sentiment within me that I cannot ignore. In their presence, I am not merely Nightmare, the feared and tyrannical king, but rather a being capable of affection and tenderness.

I am continually struck by their kindness and strength. There is a warmth in their enchanting smile that seems to pierce through the darkness that surrounds my Soul. I am drawn to the way they move with such grace, the sound of their laughter, and the way they speak with unwavering conviction. It is as if (Y/N) has become a beacon in my otherwise shadowed world.

Despite my attempts to maintain distance, I cannot help but feel a growing need to be near them. When they are close, the weight of my burdens feels lighter, and the chaos in my mind finds a semblance of peace. I am aware that allowing these feelings to deepen could be perilous, not only for me but for (Y/N) as well. Yet, I find myself unable to resist the allure of their presence.

I am conflicted. The very nature of my existence is to embrace the darkness, yet (Y/N) represents a light I had long thought extinguished within me. I will cherish the moments we share, drawing silent comfort from (Y/N)'s presence and the hope that perhaps there is a future where our paths are not defined by the darkness that binds me.

I smiled down at the little book, my heart flipping in my chest at just how sweet Nightmare was. Cross was wrong, obviously, why else would Nightmare write about me like this? He was just a silly, lovestruck, immortal king who has questionable taste in a romantic partner. Jokes aside...it was really sweet. I flipped to the next bookmarked page with a smile on my face.

As I sit here in the quiet solitude of my study, my thoughts are consumed by concerns regarding my role as a father to Dolly. The responsibility of caring for such a young and innocent Soul weighs heavily upon me. I have always been a creature of darkness and chaos, and I fear that my nature may render me unfit for the task of fatherhood.

Dolly is a bright and spirited child, full of life and curiosity. She looks to me for guidance and protection, and I am determined to provide her with the security and love she deserves. Yet, doubt lingers in my mind. Am I capable of being the father she needs? Can I shield her from the darkness that surrounds us, or will I inevitably cast a shadow over her light?

In my moments of deepest uncertainty, I find solace in thoughts of (Y/N). (Y/N) has a natural kindness and strength that I deeply admire, qualities that I believe would make them a wonderful parent to Dolly. The idea of raising Dolly together with the love of my life fills me with a sense of hope and longing. I can envision a future where we create a stable and loving environment for her, one that contrasts sharply with the chaos of my past.

However, the prospect of revealing my desires to (Y/N) terrifies me. I am afraid of rejection, not only for myself but for Dolly as well. I worry that they may not share my vision or may feel burdened by the additional responsibility. Furthermore, admitting my feelings of inadequacy as a parent would expose a vulnerability I have long kept hidden. I am not accustomed to relying on others, and the fear of (Y/N) turning away is almost paralyzing.

For now, I will continue to observe and support Dolly to the best of my ability, drawing strength from (Y/N)'s presence even if it is somewhat limited. I hope that in time, I will find the courage to speak openly with them about my fears and my dreams. Until then, I will hold onto the hope that we might one day build a family together, one where Dolly can thrive and where I can learn to be the father she deserves.

My smile had turned somewhat bittersweet by the end...did he really think so little of himself in a parental role? I wonder if he would find parenting books helpful or insulting, but that's a thought for another time. I put the journal back where I found it and shut the door, walking back out of my lover's room with my phone in hand; can't forget what I came for, after all. I managed my way downstairs, seeing Horror with his arm slung around Dust with Dolly laying on both their laps. Cross was sitting on the floor with Killer's legs draped on his shoulders from where the latter was leaning against Horror's arm on the couch. Dolly seemed to notice me first and beamed, telling me excitedly about what they'd been watching. I couldn't wait to introduce her to Dani.

Date: 5/20/24 06:03

Word Count: 1710