The Sorrow in His Eyes: Regretful Husband

Chapter 14

- Don't you love us anymore?

Oh God. Dear God. Was he really asking me this?

My kid is asking me this insane question, looking deadly serious for his 13 years old. My little boy, just a young boy... Brave enough to confront me like this. And what could a fuck up like me say in return?

We are seated in the living room, in my wife's house, watching some television. My little girl is snuggled next to me and also observing us with huge, fearful eyes.

It has been one week since the police shit and things seemed calmer in my life. Messed up but still calmer.

Bianca has been dismissed officially from the team. The crazy bitc*! Thankfully.

But, honestly, when a man is facing the terrible situation I am facing in the moment, things are never really good.

And now, here I am looking to my boy, feeling ashamed as hell.

With a sigh, I answer:

- Evan, look - I straighten myself to look at both of them - I acted badly with your mother. Very badly. Please, forgive me. I love you guys. I love your mom. I regret deeply what I've done, buddy. I love you all with everything I am. Don't doubt this for a moment, okay?

They just stay there, looking at me with unmistakable doubt. My own kids are not trusting my word!

When I was considering living that other life... Let's be honest here: when I was considering fucking other women (hell!), not for a moment I thought about how it would affect my kids. How they would see me in the future! Or how they would distrust me and my love!

It seems that many shitheads like me, just realize how much damage they have done when it's just too late.

I wish I am not too late, God!
Please, help me undo this mess!

- Dad... you kind of... You kind of left us, Dad.

You left us.

Us.

My kids were hurting....! They felt abandoned! What could I do? What could I possible do?!

- I am so sorry, buddy... God, no! - I say with urgency - Darling, don't cry. Honey, don't. - My little Elizabeth starts to cry, clinging to me with force.

Did I really thought they wouldn't be affected by this? Or that they wouldn't question my absence?

Now here is the proof they've been suffering. They've been talking about this and today they finally decided to address me with their feelings.

How much I wish to go back in time and to never do what I've done. I am really a fuck**ng scumbag!

- I am so sorry, darling. Come here, buddy - I say, extending my hand to Evan. I put one arm around him and squeeze both of them - It's okay. Dad is here, Dad will make things right, okay? I did something wrong but I realized it on time. I wish to ask for your forgiveness. I will try my best to make things right between me and mom, okay? I just ask for you guys to trust in me. Dad will not do this again, ever, okay?

They nod their heads to me and we remain silent for some minutes.

- But why would you leave us, daddy? Why aren't you living here anymore! I want you back home! Please - My baby girl begs me, while putting her face in my chest.

Dear Lord!

I feel tears of anguish in my eyes but I fight hard to suppress them, knowing that, right now, they need me to stay strong and confident for them.