The Sorrow in His Eyes: Regretful Husband

Chapter 6

I was seated on the couch with a cup of coffee in my hands, waiting for Adam in the living room. He was gone for some time now. I think our conversation really made him sick. Tough.

After some minutes, Adam enters the room, pale like a ghost and walks to the couch right in front of me, taking a seat, resting his head in the back of it and closes his eyes. He looked defeated.

I stay silent, waiting for him to say something first. I was not about to make things easy for him. It was time for a very serious and definitive conversation between us.

He was breathing hard and I could feel his uneasy. I think he was not expecting me to be so crude about how things would be, after our divorce. I think in his stupid mind, Adam was expecting things to stay the same on my side. In other words, Adam was not expecting to see me with another man. The idiot.

He raises his head and sits himself straighter in the couch. After some minutes of breathing exercises, Adam says in a pained voice, looking into my eyes.

"Sophie.... Why would you say these shit to me?"

What things? You mean...The things I said earlier, almost the exact same things you said to me two weeks ago?

"What shit, Adam?" I asked, playing a little dumb.

"You know, Sophie... You know what...! Why would you say... about dating.... about.... about." He tried but failed to say, so I decided to give him a little help.

"About dating and having babies?"

He closed his eyes again, like he couldn't stand more of this conversation and answered in a strained voice. "Yes."

Well. What you thought would happen with me, Adam, when you decided to ask for a divorce?

"Adam," I started, after sighing loudly. "I really don't know if you are just playing dumb or if you are really this dense. You know what happens in a divorce, don't you? You know what a separation means? It means to be SEPARATED. It means we are no longer together. It means me having another person in my life. It means I will marry another man if I want." I pause and continue.

"It means I will be with another man, intimately. It means you can't come to my house if I don't invite you, and you can't keep calling me all the time. It means it's over between us. And I can guarantee to you, I am not going to be your best friend anymore. We can talk about the kids, but that's it."

He looks at me with a wild expression.

"Adam, are you hearing me?" I insisted.

He doesn't react. In fact, he seems to be in a trance state. His eyes are wild open, looking direct through me, like he is not seeing me anymore. He doesn't look very well.

"Adam? Adam!" Nothing. I put my coffee on the little table near the couch and go to him, shaking his shoulders a little bit.

- Adam...?

He is startled for a minute and looks at me with wounded eyes.

- Sophie... - he starts and swallow, trying again.

- Sophie...! - he tried again - Look... Let's not do this anymore....I didn't think about .... About.... This part, Sophie... I don't want a separation anymore, okay? I was confused. I messed up. Look.... let's just forget about this mess, okay? I was wrong.... I didn't think things.... I didn't think you would....? - he stopped - Look, babe, I am coming back home, okay? I am going right now and I am going to bring my things back... And... And I will...

- No way! - I interrupted him- No way, Adam. No. Definitely not.

- What? - He asks confused, raising himself from the couch - Why not?! Sophie, I am coming back home.

You are not. No way.

- Adam, I am going to say this to you just one time, so please pay attention! You can't come and go as you please. You can't say to me you want other women and then say to me you changed your mind again, and want to come back home. I will not let you do this. No way! I am not going to be stressing myself thinking when you are going to decide that, after all, you do want to be single.

I continued.

- So, for your information, you are not coming back home like this. You are not going to resume our marriage like nothing has happened. Don't you think for a moment you are doing me any favors saying you are coming back home! You are not! I invested years of my life in this family and I loved every moment of it. I deserved a lot more consideration from you. Don't fool yourself mister, thinking you are some hot football player and that I should be thankful! Right now, this separation idea looks very appealing!

I finalize, holding myself higher, because damn it was good to say some home truths to him.

Adam thinks I am the one who is losing something, here? He is wrong.

Maybe he thought I would be crying happy tears with his return. No way.

Think again, Adam. Think again.

But I was not finished with him yet.

- I will decide when and if you can come back. But you are going to work for this, mister. You better show me some changes on yourself. You better show me a change of character because my kids are not going to have a cheater as an example, do you hear me?! - I pause and continue.

- Maybe you would like to tell your daughter to find a man just like you, what do you think? Maybe she should find a man just like you who will abandon her, after years of marriage, because he wants to fool around!

Now, I was very worked up.

But Adam... Adam looked like a man who was shouted in the chest.

- Sophie... Babe... No. Don't say these things to me! I will do better. I will do better... Sophie... don't say... don't....Please, please. My daughter would never... she won't... Let me come back.... I swear to you... I swear Sophie I will do better, babe. Please, I am begging you!

He looked desperate, holding my arms with firm hands.

- Sophie - he urged me - Look at me, yeah? It's me, Adam. It's me. I am coming back, okay? Babe, please, I want to be here!

- No.

He releases me and gives his back to me, pulling his hair. He starts passing again.

- Don't do this, babe... Please... Sophie... I am not.... I didn't mean. I didn't cheat... I swear to you... I was.... Sophie, please!

I don't care.

- Adam, I am not trying to punish you. But I am not going to give an bad example to my children. You are not coming back.

- Don't... Babe... Don't - he begs, hugging me to him and pushing me to the couch. He, then,  seats me and knee himself in front of me, with his head on my lap.

He looked desperate. He held me with intensity. And started to cry.

This is something I hate. To see Adam crying.

I feel tears forming in my eyes as well. But I couldn't let him do this. This is just not done. The problem would not go away just because he wanted back home.

But I can't lie and say it was easy.

He was sobbing.

- Sophie, please, don't do this. Babe, please. Don't do this. Please, Sophie, please, give me another chance. Just one chance. I am begging you.

I can't Adam.

Not like this.