Can you handle it?

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"Mmmm, good morning beautiful

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"Mmmm, good morning beautiful."

"Hey..." I said after what felt like an hour of silence. I don't know why I thought he would be gone by the time I woke up.

"Did you sleep good?" He asked, as he always did when things were good, and I didn't respond at first - then nodded quickly as I stood out of the bed hastily and he was right up on me too.

"W-where you going?" He rushed holding on to my arm as I moved toward the bathroom and I snatched it back on impulse.

"To shower, please be gone when I get back." I said coldly and watched his eyes soften as I turned back to the bathroom.

I don't know why I was so angry this morning - I wasn't drinking or under any influence last night - I did what I did knowingly and in my right mind. I was just frustrated with the situation - I had done so good on my own these past few months - and the moment I gave him a chance to get even a little close, he took advantage of me being so weak when it came to him.

"Kam... Baby please talk to me." He said knocking on the bathroom door and I held back tears hearing him speak.

"Just five minutes Kam - I just need five minutes and if you really not tryna hear me after that I'll let you go... I promise this time." He said and although he sounded convincing, I knew better than to think Chris would ever let this ship sail. But Janaie was right, I owed him at least a conversation if we were ever going to be able to move on with our lives. I didn't feel like I was in the best headspace to have the conversation, but I also couldn't manipulate the situation after just being intimate with him. I loved Chris, and I could be mad at him, but i'd never really want to hurt his feelings.

"I'm listening." I said shortly, trying everything to not let him hear my voice crack and I heard him sigh realising I wasn't coming out of the bathroom at all.

"...Kam when I asked you to marry me - I thought that was it. That felt like the hardest pill to swallow at the time - after everything we'd been through, everything we'd overcome I thought getting past that portion of our story and really committing to forever meant everything else was going to be smooth sailing. Watching you in that bed, fighting for your life for more than 8 months, that was a pain i'd never felt before - the thought of you being gone made me sick, I felt like I was dying too... I can't live without you Kam." He spoke then paused.

"There's nothing I could do or say that'll change the outcome of the decision I made to have this child with Jasmine, but baby it wasn't a reflection of my love for you. When Jasmine asked, honestly I said no - but then I thought about you, and the mother you were and how deserving you were of having life and spending it with our kids, and when she told me about her condition I felt like I had to help her, in anyway I could - was it inconsiderate? Yeah, but she wasn't wrong in wanting to have another child and I understood why she came to me, to us. Kam whats yours is mine and vice versa - If something happened to Jasmine, we would take on whatever we needed to for the sake of our family... I knew you'd resent the situation, but I also know your heart more than to think you'd ever turn your back on the people you love. It's not right, its not even fair - but a beautiful baby who is an amazing blessing came out of it, and someone who we both love is better for it. Jasmine doesn't know what her condition means for her future, but she has another opportunity to be a mother and be there for her child in the way that she wants to be and show up in a way she couldn't for Heiress - and I don't regret giving her that. But I hate that it's broken our marriage, because I love you more than anything Kam. 

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