today my brother took his flight , hes gonna stay there for 6 month and i already feel more alone than loneliness , we have a love hate relationship like all brother and sister but im not gonna lie he was really helping me , he made me laugh was my only company im gonna miss him so much wich is a weird feeling bc i would usually say that i dont care and i have no problem being alone , but yes i admit that i almost cryied today i was holding back my tears , felt my throat on fire bc i knew that if i cryied i would have feel worst all the day so im trying to focus on the postive parts of being alone . i feel the pain everywhere , in my chest in all of my body , in my mind , i feel exhausted hoping that im gonna be strong enough to make it trough the next 4 month , the fact is that there is no therapist that could help me rn , i know where the problem begins and its mmy appearence i have to fix it , no matter what till i collapse . when i started my healing journey 4 month ago i though that it will become easier , well i was wrong everyday its like if i have to win ww3 and im my own enemy , theres no one trying to hurt me , its just me im my enemy that i have to fight bymyself , it like im pointing a gun everyday to my head , how can i explain how does it feel to be me rn , im clueless , desperately waiting to live my life again sick of myself sick of this endless fight , im living in a black coldm tunnel , with no lights and no end and the more i run for my the more the tunnel become cold and endless how do i know that im gonna do it ?
wondering if all of this pain its gonna be worthy one day .
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daydiary of a stranger
Poetrynot reallly a story i just feel the urge to write my feeling , it might help someone .
