To Love A Villain

The Time That Made Him What He Is: The Beginning

"On God, what is wrong with me?" She whispered and I raised my head to look at her

What is wrong with her? She seems so weird...

When she healed my wound she stood up, whispering to herself, "What is wrong with me? What am I doing?" She kept mumbling as she began to walk for the cottage, leaving me behind.

I had to gather myself, wipe the blood from my eye so that I could see something even though it was bloody and then run after her in a panic. Somewhere inside of me that evening, I felt like she was going to leave me behind.

But good thing I was wrong

...

As time passed, she grew distant. One of the vivid memories of that realization is when I was helping her out in the kitchen.

The kitchen was filled with the aroma of freshly burnt cookies as sunlight streamed in through the window. I tugged at my mother's apron while she absentmindedly stirred the cookie dough. "Mom, look what I made!"

It was nothing special, since she was baking, I thought I'd help her out and I kneaded some dough for her. But my mother was lost in thoughts. She didn't even look at me and nodded absentmindedly, "Hm,"

"Mom?" I stared at her, she looked strange, like some sort of hollow shell that kept staring out the window, her eyes distant and dark, as if she had lost all hope, "Mom?" I kept calling her out, yet she wouldn't respond to me, she just kept looking at the vast view from the window.

Every now and then, I would only get a nod, or a, "Hmm,"

I had no one else to talk to in that cottage but the only person I could talk to seemed lost. After calling her several times and getting no response, I simply put the dough I kneaded on the kitchen shelf, turned the oven off and walked away.

What did I even do in my spare time? Mostly, I just read the books my father left behind, so I went and picked a book and read it in the corner of the room.

***

It was one of those rare days when I went out to take a dip in the river when I saw a family of black foxes. They had come to drink water, emerging from the forest that was there in the far distance.

Seeing something new was exciting and it made me rush out of the river in wet trousers and no shirt. I rushed inside, my face flushed with excitement.

"Mom, come see the foxes I found by the creek!" I exclaimed as soon as I entered the house, "Mom,", My eyes were sparkling with enthusiasm as I ran around the place, "Mom?" But I wasn't getting an answer.

I left the door open when I went in but when I couldn't find my mom,

"Mom?" The reality of it came back to me, that it had been a while since my mother stopped talking to me.

I walked around the house, eventually reaching my father's study. The door was open just a crack and I peeked in. And there she was, sitting at the wooden table, a pen in hand, scribbling fervently in her letter. Lost in her musings, she didn't even notice I had been calling her.

"Mom?" I called out to her once more, hoping that this close, she would hear me. And I'm sure she did, she was an elf, her ears were bigger and stronger than mine.

She didn't look up at me, "There are some foxes at the river," I had only learned about these animals from the books left behind by my father, so seeing one in reality was amazing, "Do you want me to show you?" I opened the door, letting it creak open.

...

"Mom?" I stared at her, the sound of scribbling was strong, "They're really pretty," I felt nervous in her presence, enough that it made me fiddle with my nails but she didn't raise her head, making me feel like I didn't exist in her world anymore.

Why is she writing those letters again? No one ever replies to them.

I stared at her, her eyes were wide open

Disheartened, I turned away, and walked back to the door that I felt open. Maybe I could just play or watch the fox family by myself.

But when I reached the door and looked outside.

No one was there.

A feeling of emptiness washed over me, but I had no idea how to deal with it. It was sad, it made my heart hurt, but I couldn't exactly understand which part hurt more.

That I couldn't see the fox family anymore, or that I couldn't show them to my mother, or that my mother simply won't acknowledge me,

Which thing was hurting me so much that it made my chest tightened.

"I don't like it," I whispered to myself as I rubbed my chest, "It feels weird," I coughed lightly, then cleared my throat. My body started to feel hot but I closed the door anyway.

I walked back to my room to read another book when my mind started to get dizzy.

I knew something was wrong with me but what was wrong? I had no idea. The world swirled around me in a dizzying haze, and every step felt like wading through molasses. My vision blurred too, so I shook my head and continued to walk. I reached my room and opened the door when with a feeble cry, I collapsed onto the worn wooden floor, my limbs felt heavy and my body felt like a wildfire was consuming me from within.

"Mom," I shivered uncontrollably, my skin burning with a searing heat, "Mom!" I tried to call out to her.

I tried to stand up, "Mom, something is wrong," I tried to move out of my room to go to the study but before I could make it, my mind went blank.

I was still calling her when I drifted into unconsciousness.

"Mom...?"