Never Really Over (Bremmy 3)

Chapterish 58

| CAPE MAY |

DRIVE-INS ARE LOVELY THIS TIME OF YEAR

The plane wheels touch down and the sudden jerking motion not only knocks the book from my lap but also seems to jolt my excitement.

It's September 16th and that means I have two whole weeks home before we head to NYC. I left Seattle earlier than expected. After the initial shock of Josh dumping me wore off, I spent all last week in a stagnant haze. A haze of iced coffee, depressing music, and replaying the GC on a constant loop reel in my mind.

Okay, a very certain part of the GC -the post GC.

Maybe Zoë was right, and that I didn't really process it correctly, or maybe it just never really mattered. I mean, I loved Josh and our little life. But deep down, maybe I hoped it wouldn't be him. Maybe hoped isn't the right word. But maybe I thought it wouldn't work out with us. Josh was right about me -right about everything. I think he deserves more.

But so do I. And that's what I remind myself every time I think about 2 AM with Brooks. Every time I find myself smiling, thinking about us laughing, falling asleep, how right it felt... I remember how wrong we were. Are.

He just called off an engagement for Christ's sake! In what world does that mean we get back together? Or even should? Or that he'd even want me?

At least I haven't been stalking Cece online still. Well, once or twice over the past week maybe. But mostly, I've just been channeling my energy into lying to Trix and Meg.

Neither of them know about Josh. It almost came up once, after I had to lie through my teeth about inviting them to the Harding House for a sailing weekend. Trix was definitely onto me. I dodged all their questions and just said I had some updates to give once I was back in town

It will be easier in person.

It's a hot day in Philly. I get an oat milk latte on my way out of the airport and it's already half-way done by the time I exit onto the curb, book in-hand.

My mom wanted to pick me up, but I insisted I take an Uber. I didn't want her to get stuck in city rush hour traffic. Yemi is my Uber driver and he's already got the AC blasting.

Indian summer days die hard in September.

I text Trix and Meg to let them know I'm back and ask if they want to have dinner later tonight or breakfast tomorrow. We make tentative plans to meet in the morning at one of the diners on Cape May island. Meg invites us on her morning run and we both politely decline.

I stow my phone back in my bag and look out the window. I let myself think about Brooks one last time before forcing him from my mind and pulling open my book.

...

We had breakfast. I drank the coffee and spilled the tea. I told them all about the week leading up to the Jemmy demise. They always used that ship name, not me! I admitted that finding out Brooks and Cece broke up got to me, made me a little extra. Extra what though, I couldn't really elaborate on.

They seemed to think that was normal, understandable at best. Meg said it'd be weird if part of me wasn't happy about it. Is she right?

Trix asked me how I felt about it. What I thought it meant that Brooks was the one who called it off. Meg wanted to know if I had any intention of talking to him or slicing into that old wound. They both were trying to get out of me if we've talked since.

I told them no, not since the night of the group call. And it's not really a lie. I neglected to tell them about the fact that Brooks and I were the last on the line -about the subsequent 6 hours we spent on the phone alone together.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting Brooks to text me the next day or maybe send a song or something. I'd even have settled for a meme. Nope.

Radio silence is a good thing.

With Josh upheaving our entire lives, and my focus on work, and finally breaking free of Brooks's bullshit -I just can't allow myself to go backwards.

Forward steps only.

...

Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall. Or so Fitzgerald says. I have to admit, those words have more weight this morning. I roll over in my childhood bed, the windows cracked and letting in the autumn breeze. It smells like fallen leaves and bonfire smoke and dewy grass and a little bit like heaven.

If a morning were a clean slate, it'd be this one.

Trix and Meg text me with plans to meet today for lunch, which I quickly accept. We are 6 days away from the wedding and I've managed to avoid Brooks. I'm not entirely sure he's even here yet. I find myself secretly hoping Lauren will convene another GC.

I can smell coffee wafting up from downstairs. It adds to the starting over of it all.

My phone buzzes next to my leg. It's the girls again, and it has my answer.

Travis on Isla duty today.

Brooks and Nate helping out.

God help them LOL

Trix and Meg's texts come right after the other.

Getting dressed now. Meeting at town?

@ 2:00 stat *white heart emoji*

I drop my phone in my bed and brush my teeth. I pull on an oatmeal cable-knit sweater, tuck the front into my distressed jeans, and I tie my favorite red and brown flannel around my waist. There's nothing like fall fashion to set your mood on the right track for the day.

One glance in the mirror and I'm hit with mad deja vu of a very specific night, one when I spent hours staring in front of this very floor-length mirror, stressing over which outfit to wear.

Not today.