More than one night

Chapter 19: The Talk

“I’m scared it’s just sex and I know, we didn’t commit to anything but I want more than that. I want…” But she doesn’t tell us what she wants, she breaks off again, her words sounding pressed and her eyes are glued to the ground.
Looking at us would probably make it harder for her, which is why I don’t comment on it. I just want to hear all of it so I can react properly and assure her that everything is fine between us.

“I know you two are married and I just kind of stumbled into all of it and I don’t expect you to feel for me the same way you feel about each other. It’s just… you can share moments whenever you want and you wouldn’t need me to be happy. You got each other and I’m just there. I don’t want to be the odd one out and you didn’t make me feel like that, the thought just conjured in my mind and is kind of stuck there now.
We barely spent any time together in the last few weeks and that makes me sad and made me wonder. I thought, maybe it could be because of the piercing that you find it repelling and without the sex, it’s just not the same anymore.” Y/n says, taking a deep breath because of how fast she talked.

Her words hit me like a truck and I suddenly feel very bad for being jealous and not realizing how she felt. She didn’t communicate it before but there surely were signs that we simply missed.
It can happen but I hate that it happened to us. We are two people, we could have noticed something was going on. It’s not like y/n is hiding her emotions. Most of the time, she wears them on her sleeve and it’s easy to read her. Maybe we had too much going on to notice that.

“Let me tell you, your piercing is anything but repelling. It’s really fucking sexy and I am waiting for the moment I can play with it. It’s true, we have been careful but we just wanted to make sure it’s healing and won’t get stuck anywhere in the act. The last thing we want is for you to get harmed that way, so we were careful. Maybe we should have communicated that more openly and I have to admit, paired with the seeing you less, it can easily seem like there was a correlation but I promise, there isn’t.

"Work has just been a lot and we barley had time to hang out and we didn’t want to call you over for just an hour or so and then let you drive back home. We wanted to make sure to give you the attention you deserve. While trying to do that, we might have lost sight of the big picture.” Natasha replies, taking y/n’s hand into hers to give it a squeeze.

Y/n looks up and I’m a little shocked to see her eyes watering. Whether because of her own thoughts or because of what Natasha just said isn’t clear but I know I don’t ever want to see her cry. I don’t want her to feel so bad or sad she has to cry.

It makes me want to cradle her head against my shoulder and hug her tightly until she feels better. But right now, we are in the middle of an important conversation and I want to give her the space she may need.
So, instead of hugging her tightly, I take her other hand and give it a squeeze. That makes her look at me and I can’t stop myself from swiping a strain of hair out of her face. Suddenly, it’s not at all hard anymore to find the right words.

“You were never just there. You were always important to us and I’m sorry if we made you feel any other way. And it has never been just sex, I can promise you that. It’s so much more than that. Yes, we’ve had a lot of sex but we value the calm and romantic moments with you just as much as the ones in the bedroom.
I can also assure you, we could never get tired of spending time with you because you are so amazing and it’s true, we are married but that doesn’t mean we can’t be into you. It’s difficult and we needed a bit of time to figure this out ourselves but we want you too, y/n.” I say, coming to a stop when she does.

We reached a little platform that looks out onto the river and is currently unoccupied. Natasha leads us there, which gives us a little bit more privacy. Y/n lets go of our hands to swipe at her face before leaning her hip against the stone wall.
She twists her fingers in front of her, processing.
I wait, wanting her to have all the time she needs to process. Carrying around thoughts like that for weeks won’t just be forgotten over a few reassuring words but I really hope, they help her understand we meant everything we said since we met.