In my head | Bangchan

4

The same evening, there was a knock on my front door. I walked toward it and opened it. It was Chan. "I'm not talking to you," I simply said. "That's too bad because I finished mixing your song," he said, pushing me slightly to the side so he could enter my apartment. "I did not invite you in," I said, closing the door behind him. "I let myself in," he simply said. "I can see that," I replied, walking to my living room, with him trailing behind me.

"I didn't expect you. I actually thought Felix would come crying first," I said, sitting down on my sofa. "Yeah, we talked about it, and he's kinda scared of you, so I said I'll handle it," he said. "Why is he always scared of me?" I said, furrowing my brows. Chan looked at me. "Remember that one time when you visited and broke his arm because he wouldn't let you play his Nintendo?" he asked.

"I didn't do it on purpose! He has weak bones, and our mom grounded me until I was 19!" I protested. "You were twisting his arm pretty hard," Chan said, sitting down next to me. "But I couldn't know that it would break. I brought him to the hospital," I protested.

"Anyways, he doesn't want to have broken bones," Chan simply said, pulling out his laptop and opening it. I just sat there and pouted. "But seriously, Lily. I don't like the idea of you meeting an older guy. They're always assholes," he said while waiting for his laptop to turn on. "You're an older guy, and you're not an asshole," I said, my face blushing.

"Yes, but I'm not every older guy, Silly," he said and ruffled my hair, not catching the hint. "We're just worried about you, Sweetie, that's why we are like this. Just listen for once, okay?" he asked, putting his hand on my shoulder and slightly rubbing it. "Yeah," I mumbled, "fine. There isn't a chance I'm going to be with him anyway."

"Will you tell me who it is?" he asked curiously, "do I know him?" "Yeah, actually you do," I mumbled. Chan's eyes turned dark again. Was he angry now? "Who?" he snapped. I started to panic. What should I tell him? "I don't want to tell you!" I protested. "But I want to tell him to back away!" Chan said protectively.

I looked around my room to find something that could give me an idea. That's when I saw my Deadpool action figure on the shelf over my TV. "Ryan Reynolds," I simply said, "I recently watched Deadpool, and I have a massive crush on Ryan Reynolds." Chan relaxed next to me. "What?" he asked, confused. I just nodded my head.

"Yeah... I told you I didn't have a chance," I said and looked down at my fingers. "You're making such a fuss about Ryan Reynolds?" he asked unconvinced. "Yeah, do you have another problem now? Can't you leave me and my fangirl existence alone?" I asked. Chan started to laugh. "Oh, when this song gets out, I'm so gonna tell him it's about him," he laughed. I rolled my eyes. "Play the damn song already," I hit him in the chest. "Ow! That's why Felix is scared of you!" he protested, but he grinned.

***

Chan and I hung out a little longer, and when it finally was time for him to leave, he looked at me. "Will you be fine on your own tonight?" he asked. We hadn't talked about last night, and I was grateful for that. But now he looked at me with worry in his eyes. "Yes," I lied. I knew that as soon as he would leave, I would probably start to cry because he wasn't feeling the same about me as I do about him.

"Stop lying. I can stay here. I'll tell the boys it got late, and I'm crashing on your couch," he said, taking off his shoes he had just put on. I bit my lip. Maybe he didn't feel the same, but he didn't need to feel the same to sleep in the same bed as me. We could cuddle, and I could feel good for the moment. "Okay," I mumbled. He slung his arm around my shoulders. "Should I sleep on the couch, or do you want me to sleep next to you?" he asked, leading me to my bedroom slowly. "Next to me," I mumbled.

***

I woke up the next morning with Chan's arm still slung around my waist. I slowly turned towards him. He was still peacefully sleeping. I watched him for a while, processing what happened this night. I had some pretty... let's call them intense... dreams about him. It was too hard to think straight when he was so close to me.

My phone vibrated on my nightstand, and I quickly grabbed it so it wouldn't make too much noise and wake him. "Hello?" I whispered. It was Felix. "Hey, is Chan still with you?" he asked. "He's sleeping in the living room," I whispered back. "Why are you whispering then?" he asked, confused. "Because I'm right next to the living room, and I don't want to wake him," I said quietly.

"Makes sense. Listen... I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? Do you want to go shopping today? I'll buy you something nice," he said. I started grinning. "Stop buying my love," I joked. He laughed. "I'll pick you up at 11 a.m., okay?" he suggested. I checked my phone. Two hours left, that was fine. So I agreed.

"Was that Felix?" Chan mumbled next to me. I looked at him. "Yeah, sorry, didn't want to wake you," I said. He just closed his eyes again and pulled me a bit closer. "It's fine," he said. My heart was suddenly racing. Was he doing it because he was still sleepy or because he liked me? Ugh, I needed to stop thinking like that. He would never like me like that.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked, burrowing his face in my hair. "Yeah... had some pretty nice dreams, actually," I said, thinking about it again. His hands on my skin, his lips on mine... "Lil?" he ripped me out of my thoughts. "What?" I asked, confused. "I asked if you want to tell me about your dream," he said. "Oh, uhm..." I felt my face turn red, "oh, I was on a date with Ryan Reynolds, and he proposed to me," I just said. Chan laughed. "You can't be serious about this crush," he said. I stayed silent. If he only knew what I really dreamt.