In my head | Bangchan

1

I took a deep breath. It was the first time I'm playing a concert since I finally moved from Australia to Korea last week, to be closer to my big brother, Felix. He was a year older than me and we were very close, so I missed him terribly since he moved here to become an idol. I also made music and gathered fans through covers on YouTube, because I just couldn't leave home before.

But now that I've made a name for myself, I decided to follow after Felix. He was here today with his other band members, waiting for my show in the VIP Area. I pulled the skirt of my ridiculously short dress down a little more. I stepped onto the stage and applause erupted. I grinned and waved to the audience as a soft melody started to play. I was opening the concert with my brand new song. It came out the day I moved here and honestly, I loved that song, even if it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend, who probably was the worst person on this planet.

At least I could make a hit out of my experience with him, even if he traumatized me for real. He cheated, he lied, he did things to me that I did not want... you name it, he did it. I took another deep breath before I started singing.

***

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now
How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?
Just what you wanted
Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes
Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise
I loved you truly
Gotta laugh at the stupidity

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

And every girl I ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news
You called them crazy, God, I hate the way I called them crazy too
You're so convincing
How did you lie without flinching?

Oh, what a mesmerising, paralysing, fucked up little thrill
Can't figure out just how you do it, and God knows I never will
Went for me, and not her
'Cause girls your age know better

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard?
You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart
I tried to help you out, now I know that I can't
'Cause how you think's is the kind of thing I'll never understand

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes
But you make the worst one look fine
I should've known it was strange
You only come out at night
I used to think I was smart
But you made me look so naive
The way you sold me for parts
As you sunk your teeth into me
Bloodsucker, famefucker
Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

***

Felix pulled me into his arms. "I'm so proud of you!" he said. "Says the one who just came back from a world tour," I laughed, slinging my arms around him. The past week had been tough—I'd moved here solo, and Felix had still been on the road. Today was the first time we'd seen each other in maybe a year.