Could it be love!

Horrors in the past!

(M) I did. 

(N) So how did you stay at negative one?

(M) I had one other person I told my secret too. He used that against me and made me have sex with him. I did not like it and it hurt. Then it eventually stopped. He found someone and they got married and they had a kid. Then they got divorced but they still live together. I have not spoken to him in years. 

(N) Did you like it any?

(M) Eventually I just got use to it. I knew either I did it willingly and it would not hurt as much, or he would be rough, and it would hurt. I decided to just accept my fate and do it. It was not like I had a choice and I wanted to make him happy. I knew he would be nice and help me. 

(N) Did you fall in love with him? 

(M) I did not. Now, I hate him. Well, I don't hate him, but I do not care for him. It made my heart a little bitter and cold towards him.  

(N) Did you eventually tell your family you were gay?

(M) I did. Some of my family were ok with it. My grandmother said I was only gay because that man hurt me. That hurt my feelings she was trying to invalidate the way I felt. I tried explaining to her multiple times that was not the case, but she would not believe me. My dad was in prison, so I didn't care what he said. He refers to gay people as faggots though and it kind of hurts when he says it. My mom fully supported it. She would try and find people that I could hook up with. My sister supported it. She is a lesbian, so it runs in the family. Thats what my grandmother says. 

(N) What about your grandmother now?

(M) We talk on the phone, and we are close. I just do not want to make her unhappy, so I just avoid talking about me and my personal life. We talk about my teaching, and we talk about my streaming. I send her money sometimes and when I visit, I always spend time with her. She was my rock and I love her. I made sure no one could take advantage of her when I left, and I handle all her bills and make sure she is ok and has money to do what she wants. 

(N) That is sweet of you. I am sorry she does not approve. 

(M) It's ok, I knew a lot of my family would not approve. I know if I ever do get married or do foster care most of my family would not support it. I know they would not attend a wedding and it just makes me feel alone and isolated. 

(N) I am sorry baby. 

Mack smiles at the nickname and he gives Nico a kiss. 

(M) Does this make you want to run away from me? 

(N) Absolutely not, it makes like you more. You went through that and moved. Look at you now. You have the best math team in the state. You make good money I assume. You have a nice apartment. I am just sorry you experience a shunning basically and the abuse part. Can I ask a question?

(M) Yes. 

(N) Do you have trust issues? 

(M) I do at first. 

(N) Do you have them with me?

(M) No, there is something about you that just makes me feel like I can trust you. I do need to ask a favor though. Can you please not say anything about what happened. I do not want anyone to know. I do not want anyone to feel bad for me and just be friends out of sadness or for them to think I am weak.