Waiting On You | 𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑺𝑪𝑨𝑹

8- Pizza Date

always kept what I desired just out of reach. The frustration was difficult to put into words – a constant feeling of falling short, like trying to reach the top shelf when you're not tall enough. No matter how much you stretch and leap, you're always left empty-handed. And then there are those like Oscar, effortlessly grasping what I could only dream of, simply because they're taller – luck.

Alone in my room, I found solace in the release of tears I had fought so hard to contain in the presence of others. There, I allowed them to flow freely, unencumbered by the intrusive gaze of cameras and spectators. In this moment of vulnerability, I felt small and powerless, consumed by a sense of self-doubt that I would never be good enough.

As the tears streamed down my cheeks, I couldn't help but berate myself for my perceived failures on the track. Perhaps, I thought, I simply wasn't cut out for this life. And with each passing moment, the fear grew that those closest to me would soon come to the same conclusion.

As a knock echoed through the silence of my room, I startled, my tears abruptly halted by the unexpected interruption. Hastily, I wiped away any trace of tears from my cheeks, willing myself to compose before responding to the call.

"I'll be right there," I called out, my voice betraying me. Frantically, I ran my hands over my face, hoping to erase any lingering signs of my crying. With a deep breath, I swung the door open, forcing a smile to mask the emotions still raging within.

"Oscar," I greeted, my voice tinged with my surprise, "come in!"

Oscar returned my smile with his customary politeness. As he stepped inside, I closed the door behind him, my mind racing with uncertainty. I hadn't anticipated his visit, and now, caught off guard and with my cheeks still flushed from tears, I panicked.

"Hey Logan," Oscar greeted back, turning around to face me. "I thought I would take you up on your offer from yesterday, if you don't mind."

"Not at all," I laughed nervously. "Do you want to order something to eat?"

"Sure," he nodded.

"What do you want?" I asked, moving to the phone where I could call the reception.

"I'm thinking pizza," he narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms. "One cheat day won't hurt us, will it?" he teased.

"It won't," I chuckled, waiting for the phone to ring before I made the order for our room.

"How are you doing?" he asked, taking a seat near the writing table in the room.

"Hm?" I asked him, setting the phone down.

"I saw your crash. Are you okay?" he asked me.

I nodded profusely, "I'm okay, no injuries."

"I mean," he paused, he seemed serious about what he was going to say, "mentally."

I took a deeper breath when I heard the question. I wasn't okay, but I was scared that if I let it out it'd scare and overwhelm him. Instead, I quietly nodded. I don't know if he believed me or not but either way it seemed like he didn't want to press me further and instead chose to change the subject. ''Are they going to fix your car in time?''

''I don't know,'' I sighed, letting out a heavy breath, ''at this point I'd be very lucky if I could at least just race, I just want to prove to them that I won't crash again."

"I think you put too much pressure on yourself," Oscar said.

This was something I already knew, but hearing it out loud validated those thoughts. If I wasn't the only one who thought like that maybe it was true, maybe I was putting too much pressure on myself.