Waiting On You | 𝑳𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑶𝑺𝑪𝑨𝑹

4- Red Flag

(LANDO'S POV)

There is a certain fragility and innocence to your first love. I always thought the stories of highschool sweethearts who ended up together were a beautiful fantasy, but that's all it was — a fantasy.

Honestly, I never gave much thought to love until much later in life when I began to experience it firsthand.

I can't pinpoint exactly when things started to shift between Carlos and me, evolving from mere friendship to something deeper. But I do remember our first time, which occurred at the McLaren after-party following his first and only podium of the season. In Brazil, we celebrated until we were on the brink of blackout drunk. I definitely took more than my fair share and had to be assisted to my hotel room by Carlos. He guided me inside, but I ended up vomiting on myself when he attempted to help me to the bathroom. Without hesitation, he led me into the shower to wash away the mess, inadvertently getting soaked in the process.
It was he who initiated the kiss. I leaned on him for support, our faces dangerously close, and before I knew it, we started making out beneath the water of the shower.

I was a virgin, in every sense of the word then, but fortunately, Carlos, who was five years my senior at the time, was quite experienced. In my drunken haze, I was too intoxicated to truly question our actions or to recognize the absurdity of it all. But I distinctly remember enjoying it, so much so that the next morning, I craved it once more.
Following that initial encounter, there were countless others. We often found ourselves with assigned rooms next to each other in hotels, an entire floor to ourselves, providing ample opportunity for our ventures to continue.

The winter break of that same year proved to be one of the most challenging periods of my life. Following the conclusion of the season, I mustered the courage to approach Carlos and inquire about the possibility of us continuing to meet, perhaps at his place.

"No, I need to spend some time with my girlfriend anyway. We can pick it up again next year," he replied casually, as if delivering a harsh dose of reality. In that moment, I was abruptly reminded that I was not his lover, or at least not regarded as one in his eyes. I was nothing but a friend he has fun with on occasion.

Despite the sobering realization of our situation during the winter break, when the new season began, I found myself unable to resist Carlos. We fell back into our familiar pattern, continuing where we had left off the previous year. However, everything came crashing down with a decision he made near the end of the year:

"By the way, I'm leaving for Ferrari," Carlos announced casually, delivering the news with his usual nonchalance.

I laughed at first, assuming it was one of his typical jokes. But as the reality sunk in, my smile faded. "You are...? Wait... when did you sign with them?" I asked, my heart sinking with each word.

"Somewhere around September, but I couldn't tell anyone anything," he confessed.

My heart shattered at his admission. Why hadn't he confided in me? Did he not trust me after all? Was he leaving me?

"I..." I began to stutter, feeling like a child. "Why didn't you tell me then? I would have kept your secret," I forced a smile onto my face.

"I said, I couldn't tell anyone," he reiterated.

"I'm not just anyone," I echoed my thoughts aloud.

"You're still my rival though," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Your rival?! Rivals don't fuck each other! I think we are more than just rivals," I interjected.

"Are you threatening me?" His question pierced through me like arrows to the chest. "Don't act like that, Lando."