Over and Over

Chapter 4

"I don't see why everyone is sorry. It's nobody's fault."

"I'm going to put you on speaker, the guys wants to talk."

"Ok."

"Hey Holly, We heard about everything and we just wanted you to know we are thinking about you and we love you and we are taking off in this plane in 20 so we'll be with you soon!" Ashton said. His voice was just so sweet, it made everything seem... normal? Good? I don't know but it sure did make things seem... Better.

"See you later then."

A burst of, "Love you!" and "Bye Hal!" Sang through my speaker before I turned it off.

I looked up at the sun, my eyes stung a little. I just looked back to the memories in my mind to when we were younger and how happy we were even though we had our ups and downs, but always got through them. I wish yesterday weren't a down. I wish we could've got through it.

"Hey..." It was Bella. She wore her hair in a bun and her uniform. Her face was slightly tanned.

I wiped my face using the tissue she handed to me. "Before you say anything, I just wanna say that I'm sorry for last night. I was bang out of order!"

"It's fine! It's just a hard time."

"Yeah." I whispered.

"The funeral can happen this week. If you think your ready, you are able to see them now, would you want to?" I signalled a yes by nodding my head.

"Can my uncle come too?"

"Yeah sure, is he the man in the white tee?"

"That's him. But can we do it in a while? I want to be on my own." She hugged me as I sat on the edge of the balcony, squeezed my shoulder and left.

I felt alone. I mean; despite having everyone's support, having Liz and Uncle Danny and everyone... I felt alone. I just wanted to cry 24/7, but to be honest I was never really the crying type. I always bottled up. I guess that's what I'm going to do now. I wanted them back even if it was for a minute, I'd get to tell my mum that I was sorry and James that I would never do drugs because he raised me well alongside with mum. I was proud of them and that I need them more than I had ever expected.

"Are you sure?" Uncle Danny asked.

"I will have to sometime." I mumbled. I took a deep breath as Danny put his arm around me and we followed Bella.

As we got closer to the room I could feel my heart finding a way to escape. My mind trying to faint. I needed someone to attack me in these isolated hospital halls.

No, I weren't going to back out. The least I could do is not let them down.

"Are you ready?" I took a deep breath and walked through the blue doors held open by Bella, which had a sign which said 'Private'. There was a massive velvet curtain hanging in the sky. My mum and brother were behind there. Muted. Forlorn.

Why can't our life be a video game? Press restart and carry on.

I could tell that I had stopped breathing. My hands clenched into a fist as I dug my nails into my skin. My heart beating faster for oxygen.

Bella walked over to the rope on the curtains and pulled them. As they opened, pale features appeared. I didn't know how to react; I walked ahead until the glass which split us apart; where she and he laid. My hands trembled as I lifted them to touch the glass to confirm I was in reality.

"Mummy....James...." I gasped for air as I broke down into tears, bawling. I tried so hard to stop, but my body trembled, my body drowned. Uncle Danny squeezed my shoulders as we stared at the corporeality.

I exhaled a long breath and ambled my way over to Bella. "Can...Can I go inside?" She looked over my shoulder at Danny. I didn't look back at him, yet I sensed his approval.

I lost my balance as I took my first step into the luminous, confined, boxed room. Me, Mum and James. Me, Mum and... James. I wiped the top of my lip using my sleeve and walked towards them. They laid, still. Faded colour trickled through their body in the luminous room. A scar running down James face from his eyebrow to his ear. My mum had a bandage on her arm and stitches on her neck. Her light brown hair fell off the bed. Her arms were by her side. I mounted my arms up as my hand melted upon the separate bed sheets they both laid on. "Mum! I'm so sorry! I should've just listened! I'm sorry! And James I don't think I've ever expressed it enough but I do love you in some shape or form. You were an awesome bro, thank you!"

AN:

Hey guys sorry I'm late! Been on holiday and writing has been hard so busy!

Hope you guys are having a great summer and like reading :)

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Saba x

Sc: Scrawt19
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