My Stupid Heart

Chapter 7

*It's still Lily's POV*

I open my eyes to see that I'm in a field of dandelions, a song coming to mind. But isn't it a romantic song? I walk around to marvel at the view, the wind gently blowing my hair and the dandelions to and fro. The fragrance from the dandelions put me at ease, the beautiful white petals flying into the wind with the slightest breeze. It's... beautiful.

I see someone in the distance, their back facing me. I don't even need to guess who it is after spending years with him, knowing his mischievous behaviors and easily spotting him from a distance. I run through the dandelions towards him, a smile appearing on my face. Why am I... smiling?

"Mason!" I call out as he turns to me. I immediately freeze when I see his face, my eyebrows raised as I process the scene. Why is his face scribbled out? Suddenly, dandelions engulf him, disappearing into the ground right after as I watch some dandelion petals slowly fall to the ground, taking a step back in shock. This is... definitely a dream but... why was he engulfed? Why has he been appearing in my dreams and acting out of character? Why did I smile when I saw him?

I grab my bed sheets as I wake up panting, sitting up as I fully register what the fuck just happened. If this keeps up, I just have to accept that I'm fucking crazy! My gosh it is such a nice way to wake up early in the morning.

I get ready for the day, wearing the first things I see in my closet, or at least the ones that look nice together. After dressing up and struggling to wear my black jeans, I arrange my turtle neck, wondering why I had gotten a gray one instead of white. I mean... at least it's a short sleeve but it's kind of sad I can't wear it in summer. I quickly make a sandwich and eat it, later grabbing my bag which I never packed and head towards my front door.

"Where are you heading to, young lady?" I hear my father say, stopping in my tracks as my hand stops in place on the handle.

"Um.. school? The place I'm supposed to be at right now?" I answer, facing my dad. He takes a sip from his mug which probably contains coffee, his other hand fumbling with his long pants that match his short sleeve.

"Mom definitely has a matching set," I mutter, watching him place his mug on a center table.

"You're avoiding the question. Couldn't you just... spend a few minutes to see me before leaving? We haven't talked in a day."

"You were at work and... don't say it like I didn't miss you," I quietly state. He gives me a soft smile, and I do the same. I'm normally not a talker and I'm glad he understands that but honestly, there is a reason I've been talking more over the years. It's obviously caused by someone I think I'm avoiding but aren't, someone who I randomly think of and honestly, I wish that wasn't so.

"You should go before you're late," my dad states. "I'll be home before you go to bed. See you then."

"See you then," I reply, waving goodbye before I close the front door behind me. I check my hair before getting on my bike and riding to school. I really hope I don't look like a complete mess, or meet the two bitches I've been trying my very best to avoid. I mean... it's because of everything he fucking said that I'm in this circumstances.

I release my grip on my bike handle, realizing I had accidentally gripped it tight out of anger. More problems are coming my way and it's even a problem to deal with them. I push the thought away and cycle in silence to school, enjoying the wind blowing gently against me. If there's one thing I wish for right now, it is to be one with darkness when I get to school and all I hope from the bottom of my heart is that it comes true, even if fate says otherwise.

•••

*Mason's POV*

'Fuck' is the one thing that I've been saying repeatedly in my head for the past four hours. Since sleeping was definitely not my priority last night, I had spent the entire time contemplating my life choices and my stupid personality. Maybe it was the thought of her hating me and she probably does with the way she reacted. I hate myself for it, for hurting her and ruining our friendship. At least she didn't realise that I almost said that I like her and instead said 'I'm glad that I'm your friend' or that I was blushing which was gladly not obvious due to the dark environment. She'd probably hate me if I had done that... and my terrible timing. If only it was that easy to just confess it all, but I know full well that that won't be the case.

"Mason!" I hear Sarah call out, pushing back her blonde hair to her back. She walks up to me, placing her hand on her hips afterwards. "Why didn't you reply to my texts?"

I pause, my eyebrows raising at her words. Her message? I take my phone out from my pocket and scroll through my contacts, looking at the countless number of new notifications. My fingers stop at the nickname I secretly gave her 'The pick me' or for short 'TPM' since well... it's the best way to recognize which contact is hers. Either way, I click on it, reading through the new messages she had sent me. "Was it necessary to send me ten messages of 'pick up your phone?'"

"Yes, it was. You hadn't been online since yesterday morning and I thought spamming you would work but it didn't. Did you have something so important to do that you didn't use your phone for that long?" she asked, her eyebrow raised.

Well... I did spend an hour crying, the other hugging my blanket and accidentally falling asleep at some point, waking up at midnight and deciding to have a late snack before hearing my doorbell ring. Honestly, if I went back in time, would I have opened the door? Would I be able to stop her from disliking me further than she already does? In the end, I have to live in the present and try my best to make her not hate me anymore because losing her is something I would hate myself for. Hate that I hurt her for a stupid reason.

"...You're thinking about her, aren't you? Did she harass you in some way again?" Sarah asks, jealousy evident in her voice.

"What does she have to do with me not opening my phone?" I question, crossing my arms.

"So I was right. It's fine though since Brian's confronting her of her actions at the moment," she states and my hands drop to my side, my mouth hanging open slightly from shock. Brian of all people? What is that bitch up to?

"That expression... don't tell you're going to-"

"Where is she?"

"What?"

"I'm asking where Lily is," I repeat, raising my voice in anger.

"And why should I tell you? She lied right in front of your face about your relationship with her. You do know only a bitch would do that right?" she voices, and I shut my mouth before I insult her with words, knowing full well that if I did, I wouldn't be able to take it all back. "Fine. Then I'll just have to find her myself."

Without waiting for a response from Sarah, I run past her, my heart palpitating as I run faster and faster, searching each room and the next. 'I hope you're okay' is the only thing I can think of, many thoughts filling my head as I wonder where they are. All I hope is that motherfucker hasn't hurt her in any way, or told her something that isn't true because my gosh do I not want our friendship to be broken. So, I quicken my pace, wanting to get there as fast as I can before anything happens. Before things get worse between us.

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Lily's Playlist

• Windy Day by Helios Relaxing Space
• Dandelions by Ruth B
• N/A

Helping through hard times

• Somewhere New by Matthew Avery
• Melancholy by Helios Relaxing Space
• N/A