My Stupid Heart

Chapter 4

*Lily's POV*

"Mom!" I whine tiredly. For some reason, she continued yet again to ask me what flowers she should use for her next client, saying she trusts my choices.

I sometimes go to my parent's florist shop in the evening. Mason would've been here with me, helping my mom with her decisions. If only we could go back to those times.

"It will only take a minute," she promises, which is inaccurate since I've been here for the past 30 minutes.

Playing with her baby hair, my mom debates once again on which flowers will suit her client. It's really funny how I still remember when my mom's bakery first opened. Due to my fuzzy memory, the only thing I can clearly remember is my little hands in my mom's as we stepped our feet into the store. Even after learning about multiple flowers over the years to help my mom with her work, I never had a favorite flower in particular, loving the beautiful color emit.

"Tulips or Daffodils? The client did say they wanted something simple and casual for their flowerpot. But they really didn't have to nag for it to be perfect, insisting since it's their first house. Now I just feel stressed out by their demand," my mom complained, but still deep in thought on her options.

"Daffodils. Daffodils will do," I suggest. If it's their first house which means a new beginning for them, Daffodils are more fitting for the occasion.

"Thank you!" my mom heaves a sigh or relief and starts packing a bouquet of daffodils. "You should get some rest. I'll see you at home."

I nod and wave my mom goodbye as she gets back to work. Getting on my bike, I ride home, the sun setting as I go.

Soon enough, I get home and once my door is closed, I head to my bed and flop on it, enjoying the fluffy mattress. Mason really does know how to pick the best quality of things.

A smile beams on my face as a new song idea randomly pops in my head and I rush to my desk, scribbling down the lines in my notebook before I forget.

I lay back on my white arm rest chair, exhausted after all my interactions with human kind. If only there was someone I can talk to... or just hug them in silence. Either would be great.

Then it comes to mind, if Mason and I are no longer friends, then what will happen to the song we promised to make together? A song about confessing their feelings to a friend after hiding it long enough for them to get tired of hiding it.

But why do I keep thinking about Mason? Why do I randomly feel his presence everywhere where I go or just doing random things. Everytime I push him away, something always leads me back to him. I can never hate him, no matter how hard I try.

But there's a feeling inside me and no, it is not how I felt when I confirmed my friendship with him. It felt more... heartwarming but this feeling is different and it makes me miss everything about him. From his voice to his presence, the face he makes when he's playing his guitar while I sing and even that huge stupid grin on his face. It always brings warmth to my heart, no matter my mood.

It wasn't the first time I've felt like this though. It all started on a regular day and I've always felt that feeling ever since. I wish I could just bury my feelings somewhere and just think with my head. It's a win-lose situation: my feelings or care for anyone would be left untarnished but I'll still be lonely; trapped in my world full of music.

If true love or true friendship really does exist, is it just that I'll never be able to find either? I've always felt like no one listens to me. Maybe it's because I don't talk in the first place but I've never been a good talker, or the best to start a conversation or engage in one. From simple interactions about sharing similar interests in something is what I've never been good at.