Cruel Desire

05.

05.

(Vivienne's POV)

Last night was a nightmare. Guilt and regret gnawed at my heart, suffocating me with walls closing in. I retreated, curling up into a ball as the weight of it all consumed me. I just wanted to cry. I hurt her, even though nothing was explicitly said or done, she liked me, or at least she did.

Starting university today feels like an insurmountable task. Exhausted and drained, the lingering hangover from my self-pitying drinks last night weighs heavily on me. Richard is already gone for work, thankfully. I dragged myself out of bed and faced my tired reflection in the mirror. I looked dreadful, but a bit of makeup and coffee could work wonders.

After a quick shower, I dressed in a white blouse, a grey blazer, high-waisted dark grey trousers, and a brown belt cinched around my waist. My makeup was light, just enough to mask my weariness and headache. Some lip gloss and finishing touches later, I felt somewhat presentable.

Descending the stairs, I fixed myself a cup of coffee and grabbed a quick breakfast. Richard's absence was a relief, knowing I wouldn't have to see him much at university. Sipping my coffee, I sighed wearily, trying to soothe the stress-induced headache. I feel hollow. My heart throbs painfully, filled with regret. I have to forget about her. It's not like I'll see her again anyway.

Tidying up after breakfast, I ensured I was clean before heading out. I got into my car, starting the engine, and drove towards the university. I had a tour scheduled, followed by a few afternoon classes. The students wouldn't start learning immediately, just introductions and discussions about upcoming classes.

Arriving at the university, I marveled at its castle-like appearance. Entering the building, I introduced myself at the reception and was directed to the principal's office. Knocking on the door, I entered upon hearing his invitation.

"Mrs. Vivienne, a pleasure to meet you. Do you have your schedule?" he inquired. I nodded in response. "Great. I hope you enjoy your time here as a professor. Ah, come in!" His sentence was interrupted by a knock, and a young girl, Emily, entered with a smile.

"Sir, you called for me?" she asked, glancing at me with a polite smile. The principal explained that Emily would give me a tour of the school as I was a new professor. With a nod from Emily, we left the office and began the tour.

Showing me around the school, Emily pointed out different areas, including the cafeteria and outdoor spaces. After introducing me to all the classrooms, I started to get a feel for the layout. It truly was a massive school, reminiscent of a castle.

Reaching my office, Emily bid me farewell as her classes were about to begin. I had some free time before my first class, which was an hour away. I settled into my desk, taking in the surroundings and making mental notes to decorate it later. Reviewing my schedule, despite already knowing it by heart, I enjoyed my lunch, grateful for the break. I hadn't prepared lunch, so I grabbed something from the cafe earlier. Tossing the rubbish into the bin, I sighed, ready for whatever the day had in store.

I stood up and made my way to my first class, which was set to start in about twenty minutes. Walking through the large halls, I finally reached my classroom. It was a spacious lecture hall with rows of seats leading up to the front where my desk and podium were situated. As I settled at my desk and organized my papers, students started to fill in, some looking nervous while others exuded confidence. It was their first day, after all. I hoped there wouldn't be any troublemakers among them, especially at their age.

Switching into teacher mode, I wrote my name on the board once the hall was filled with students. "Hello, class. My name is Vivienne Evergreen, but please call me Mrs. Evergreen. Welcome to English Literature. First off, I want to make one thing clear," I began, but was interrupted by the door opening. My heart skipped a beat as I saw Belle standing there. I felt nervous, anxious, and sweaty. I quickly composed myself, putting on a stern demeanor. "You're late. And on your first day too. As I was saying before I was interrupted, I will not tolerate misbehaving, tardiness, or childishness. You're all adults here, so I expect you to act like it. Am I clear?" I addressed the entire class, receiving a collective "Yes, Mrs. Evergreen" in response.

As I turned my attention back to Belle, who looked stunned and nervous, I asked her to take a seat and not be late again. "Now, I'd like everyone to introduce themselves and share one thing about them," I instructed, pointing to a random student to start the introductions. As each student introduced themselves, it eventually came to Belle.

Standing up nervously, Belle introduced herself as someone who liked art. I couldn't help but feel a flutter in my heart at the sound of her voice. I then noticed some boys ogling her shamelessly, and I reprimanded them, reminding them to focus on me. The class continued with introductions, and I eventually instructed them to interact and get to know each other.

As the class ended and students began to leave, "Belle. Please stay behind, we need to have a chat." Once we were alone, I continued. "Are you upset with me?"

"No. Why would I be? There's nothing to be upset about." She denied, shaking her head, but her tone was cold.

"Belle, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Please answer me honestly, sweetheart." My eyes pleaded with her.

"Oh. You mean the night where you had a girl all over you? Or today where I find out you're married? Mrs, really?" I felt my heart sink as she expressed her disappointment in me for not disclosing my marital status earlier. I had been too afraid to tell her, and now I regretted keeping it from her.

"Belle, please let me explain-" I was cut off by her voice. "And please don't call me sweetheart. I don't think your husband would like that. It's true, I am hurt. Whether if me liking you wasn't mutual, I felt led on. I feel stupid for even kissing your cheek that night. I feel betrayed. I really liked you, Vivienne. I wasn't that bothered by the girl being all over you...but now you're married. I'm very hurt. Not only are you leading me on, but you're having an affair with another." She expressed, hurt and betrayal laced into her words, before she continued, "Was it just me? Or was it all mutual?"

"Yes...it was mutual." I simply replied with, a lump formed in my throat, I felt like crying, "I never stopped thinking about you. It's wrong I know, but my husband isn't any different from me." Her eyebrows raised in curiosity. "What do you mean? He's cheating on you too...?" She enquired, her blue eyes held a deep sense of interest. I nodded in response; I couldn't form any words. "Hmm. So who was that girl then? Or are you leading us both on at the same time, because that'd be pretty fucked up." I scoffed slightly, hurt that she'd think that low of me, before sighing heavily. "She's an old fling. I immediately pushed her off me, and I was going to anyway, she was being persistent, and I didn't want her to be all over me, Belle. I don't like her; I've even cut ties with her. I don't want anyone but you. But, I know, I'm too late now. Forgive me, please." I explained myself, my eyes still pleading with her. "I forgive you. But no one can find out we already know each other. Let's just stop whatever we have between us and forget about it. Just student and professor, nothing more, nothing less." Her words stung, but she was right. She was clearly the more logical one out of the both of us.

I shakily breathed in, "I understand. Student and professor, it is, nothing more, nothing less. You should get to your next class, goodbye, Belle." She nodded, gathering her belongings and walking down the steps. "Goodbye, Vivienne." She murmured, loud enough for me to hear, as she left the room.