Chris Guenva-Malagkzai is used to moving all over the place. With both her parent in the military, there was never one place to call home. Then her mom got a job on the Jurassic World security team and Chris gets to go to Camp Cretaceous, where she...
Darius: *whispering* Eat the last of the dinosaur chicken nuggets and we're fucking done
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Darius: Why are you on the table
Chris: Excuse me? Last time I checked this was a free country! I can stand on the table if I so desire!
Darius: Where's the spider?
Chris: ...In the corner. Can you kill it please?
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Ben: How do I unbake a cake?
Darius: You... can't
Darius: Once the ingredients are mixed and baked you can't-
Chris: Ok I'm going to need you to listen carefully
Chris: Put it back in the oven. Set it to the NEGATIVE temperature you baked it at. Such as -325 degrees. And leave it in for the EXACT amount of time that you baked it for. It HAS to be exact. If you unbake TOO much, the flour may turn into wheat, and the eggs will turn into a chicken. Don't ask me how.
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Chris: Can't you guys see things from my perspective
Darius: *leans down*
Yaz: *kneels down*
Kenji: *sits down*
Chris:
Chris: I despise all of you
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Kenji: Did Brooklynn just tell me she loves me for the first time?
Chris: Yup
Kenji:
Kenji:
Kenji: And did I do finger guns back?
Chris: Yes, yes you did
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Sammy: Um, why is Mae doing laundry so loudly?
Chris: To let us know that no one helps around here
Mae, in the distance: [slams the washing machine shut]
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Every friend group has;
I will win the knife fight by bringing more knives (Ben)
I will win the knife fight by bringing a large gun (Yaz)
I will win the knife fight with my bare hands and my bare hands alone (Chris)
And I am just here to watch whatever happens next (Brooklynn)
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Mae: Nothing is free kids
Sammy: Love is free!
Darius: Knowledge is free
Chris, running with the comms in her arms; Everything is free if you take it without asking
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Chris: Dinosaurs aren't extinct. I mean, Mae is walking in this room right now
Yaz: *wheezes*
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Chris: Help! I'm drowning!
Kenji: Relax, we're only in 5'5 feet of water
Chris: NOT ALL OF US ARE THAT TALL!!!
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Darius, incredibly sick and borderline delusional: Mom?
Mae: Yeah?
Brooklynn: Did Darius just call Mae 'Mom'?
Chris: More in importantly, did Mae just respond to it
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Sammy: *is crying*
Yaz: I WILL DESTROY EVERY ASPECT OF THIS EARTH AND DROWN EVERYONE IN IT TO MAKE SURE I ERADICATED THE PERSON WHO DID THIS TO YOU!!!
Sammy: *sobbing* I— I'd rather just have a hug
Yaz: Okay
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Mae: That sounds like a terrible plan!
Chris: Oh, we've had worse
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Ben: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis
Chris: Your like, fourteen years old
Ben: I MIGHT DIE AT TWENTY-EIGHT!
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Darius: Have you ever been yelled at by Chris before?
Brooklynn: I'm not scared of her
Darius: So that's a no
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Ben: If I have a dollar for every time I thought of you as my sister, I'd only have one dollar because that's all I think about :D
Chris, tearing up: Have fun being broke idiot
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Darius: What... are you doing?
Chris: Helping Ben find his food I ate an hour ago
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Mae: Take care of kids, they said...
Chris: WHO THE FUCK PUTS OUT A FIRE BY FANNING IT!?
Ben: I PANICKED OKAY!
Kenji: Someone get that foam-can thingy
Yaz: FIRE EXTINGUISHER! IT'S CALLED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER—
Brooklynn: Someone put that thing out!
[glass shatters, collective screaming]
Mae: ... It'll be fun, they said
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Sammy:How was your day?
Darius: Good
Sammy; Really?
Darius: Don't make me lie twice
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Brooklynn: The floor is lava!
Sammy: *helps Kenji onto the table*
Chris: *kicks Ben off of the sofa*
Brooklynn: As you can see, there are tie types of friendships
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Chris: Darius I got you something
Darius: Really?
Chris: Yup
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Darius, tearing up: It's beautiful
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(A small bonus ;) )
Dave: I've created a map of all the places where the kids could be
Roxie: That's a map of the whole world
Dave, voice cracking: I have no idea where they could be
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I hope you enjoyed today's funny quotes. Until next chapter!
