Fireworks

13| Lost

It's twelve in the morning, and everyone has left except for us Swaggies. We're scattered around the house with trash bags in our hands as we pick up some trash. Plastic red cups are everywhere, and Xiao lets out a noise that's a weird mix of a frustrated groan and a tired honk.

"The downside of throwing a big a*s party," he comments, his facing twisting into a scowl. "I hate being the fame. It's hard being so popular and important and—OW!"

He scratches the spot on his scalp where the cup was thrown at. Gael quickly pulls her hand behind her back as if to show that she wasn't the one who just threw the cup at her cousin's head.

Theo pauses after tossing a paper plate in his trash bag and chuckles. "Are they always like that?"

Hugo crosses his arms, eyes sparkling in amusement as he watches his girlfriend and his best friend bicker. "Always."

I crouch down to pick up an empty soda can, but my fingers graze another's, and I quickly retract my hand. "Oh, sorry—" Looking up, my eyes meet the blue pair I've been dying to see again tonight, but never did.

He stands up straight, swallows hard, and briefly glances down at the soda can. He's letting me take it, but he won't say a word to me.

"Jonah—" I begin, but he turns and finds another empty soda can for him to take. I frown, watching him make his way away from me.

I feel the presence of my best friend's boyfriend behind me, and he says, "Go after him. I'm pretty sure he wants you to talk first."

"Why?" I ask, but I already know the reason.

"You know Jonah, Fi," Hugo reasons. "He always wants to hear from the other person first." He extends an open hand. "I can take your trash. You're not really doing anything anyway."

Well, ouch.

I round the corner further into the kitchen where Jonah's wrapping up his already full trash bag. He barely lifts his eyes, but I could tell he's aware that I'm inside. His eyes are empty, but his jaw is tense. His whole body is tense. The way he moves so stiffly makes me nervous, and I'm pretty sure he's pissed.

"Jonah," I break the silence, "I swear, we didn't—"

"Mm?" he looks up as if he's confused. "What are you talking about?"

I drop my shoulders. "You know. Don't play dumb, I know you know. And I can't go home without knowing that we're fine. That you're fine."

"I'm fine," he shrugs, but the action is tense. "Are you?"

"No," I shake my head, taking a step closer. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Pretend," I sigh. "Acting like you don't know anything. I know you, Jonah, and I need you to be honest."

He looks at me with disbelief, and he drops the trash bag on the floor. He crosses his arms and leans against the counter behind him.

"You want me to be honest?" He doesn't give me a second to nod my head or to do or say anything. "I thought I made things clear—I wanted you. I liked you. A lot. You had me waiting for so long just for you to play Star Wars with Nicholson—a dude from a school you absolutely despise—for Halloween. Seeing you two together was a punch in the gut."

My mouth is slightly agape as I scoff with incredulity. "I didn't do that. I didn't 'play Star Wars with Nicholson'. It was a coincidence. In fact, if I recall, you were supposed to be Anakin. But, no, just because your Barbie family friend came, you decided to flirt with her and ditch everything to be cowboy Ken. How's that for a punch in the gut?"

"Is this what this is about, Fi?" he asked. He didn't call me Lia. "Caryn? Just because she came here?"

"No," I say, looking a way. Maybe a little, I wanted to say.

He shoulders relaxed. "This is never about her. Please, Ophelia, remember. Remember that I've always wanted you. I'll always choose you."

"Right now, I don't believe that," I shake my head. My hearts almost rips apart at the pain on his face.

He winces. "What?"

"If you meant that, you would've been Anakin tonight," I mutter. I don't mean to seem so petty. In fact, I almost cry at the way I'm acting right now.

"This is messy, Lia."

"It is," I draw in a sharp breath.

"I don't like it."

"I don't either," I say, casting my eyes on the floor and rubbing my forearm. "So, what are we gonna do?"

His eyes saddens. "We need to stop. I need to stop."

My voice is barely audible. "What?"

His blue eyes flicker to the floor, his jaw tense again. "I can't keep chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased. Normally I'm the type to not give up, but, Lia, right now, I think I am giving up."

"Jonah—"

"I'll just have you know that at one point, I really loved you," he whispers, and his blue eyes aren't so bright anymore. "And a part of me hopes that you somehow loved me back too."

He leaves me standing in the kitchen, staring at where he just stood. I let out a shaky breath as I wrap my arms around my torso. I didn't think it would hurt so much. All I intended was to talk it out, but this? I was not expecting this.

I'm always the type to plan ahead and execute things, but when something like this blows up in front of me, I never know how to react. The boy who just walked away from me has no idea how much he means to me and losing him hurts so much because I know for a fact that it's all my fault—I lost him. 

*****

A/N: probably the shortest chapter i've ever written. anyway, here's to not updating this book in a LONGG TIME. i love jophelia, but this was hard to write. don't worry, there will be more rollercoasters soon. stay tuned ;)