Phoenix

Chapter 22

Luke's POV:

 I didn't mean for anyone to see that. I didn't want anyone to see that. As far as my family and friends know, I don't get many flashbacks. But in the time you've gotten to know me, I'm sure you know by now I don't show my emotions much. When I have a breakdown, I try to go somewhere where I'm alone. And I cut off the link to my emotions so I don't worry Amelia.

 It might not be the best idea, suffering alone in silence and being alone through all my breakdowns, which happen more often than you might think. But, I refuse to worry my friends and my mate. Plus, Amelia is pregnant. I don't want to add to her stress. Marcus is protective and gets angry when he finds out I've had a breakdown. Loraina is there to calm him down, which lessens my stress. 

 I appreciate Marcus and his feelings towards me and my problems. I really do. But as Beta, I can't have problems. I can't be having flashbacks of my horrible past and then breaking down because of it. When I was adopted, I gave up my emotions, so to speak. I became focused on being the Beta. I had to become worthy of that spot. 

 I know you might be shocked right now. Yes, I was adopted. I wasn't born into a Beta's family. I was born a rogue. My mother died when I was a baby. The orphanage took me in and years later, I was adopted by the Beta of this pack.

 I lay on mine and Amelia's bed, flipping through pages of an old photo album I kept. It was sorta a secret of mine. I gave a small smile as I looked at the pictures of my younger self with the Alpha and Gamma. Though I still had the reasonably same emotionless expression, I looked like I was having fun with Kyle and Marcus. My small smile never left my face as I looked back on all those memories....Especially of the memories I made with Amelia...When we met, when I marked her, when we married, and when she told me she was pregnant! 

 Amelia's chocolatey scent suddenly filled my nose. I quickly shoved the book under the pillow, just in time, as my mate opened the door. She smiled at me and placed a bowl of ice cream on the bedside table. I smiled gratefully at her as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

 "What were you looking at while I was gone?" she asked.

 I froze. What was I supposed to tell her?! "Just the ceiling, my love." It's not that I enjoy lying to her. I hate it. It's not that the book is anything bad. But it might be a little.....embarrassing....Especially when it belongs to the cold, emotionless Beta of this pack.

"I know you're lying, Luke." she remarked. I groaned. Of course she did. 

 One thing people keep telling me. I'm a horrible liar. I may look like I don't care at all, and I may look cold and emotionless, but I've been told my eye twitches when I lie. Please believe me when I say I don't lie very often. In fact, I almost never lie.

 "You don't need to tell me. But you also don't need to hide it from me. Do you think I'll laugh at you?" she asked me softly. I looked at her and shrugged. "I would never laugh at you, Luke! I love you. Do you trust me..?"

 I sighed before sitting up a little, and smiling at her. I took her hand in mine. "I love you too, Amelia. I've trusted you with my life and my heart. I trust you more than I trust anyone else." I told her. I slowly took out the book from under the pillow. "Please don't tell anyone about this." Was all I said before handing it to my beautiful mate. 

 She gazed at it, smiling brightly, as she flipped through the pages. I could see tears forming in her eyes. I frowned, not liking that she was crying. She must've sensed my tenseness, because she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. I felt reassured. She finally looked at me and smiled.

 "I have an amazing mate...." she said quietly. She crawled up beside me and wrapped her arms around me. "You pretend you don't care. You put on an act of being cold and emotionless. But you do care. You aren't cold and emotionless. You treasure these friendships and memories you've made more than people know..."

 "I am cold, Amelia. It's who I am. Who I've become." I said, trying to convince myself more than her.

 "No, my love," she shook her head, looking at me with gentle eyes. "You aren't as cold as you believe yourself to be. You are more caring than you think." I looked away from her, just thinking. Was she right...? Maybe there is more to me than I've grown to think. Amelia can always see something more in me. Something that I don't show on the outside. She's gifted that way and so wonderful...