Inhale

Chapter 4 - Guilt

It took time for me to get accustomed to the Adair Foster Home. Despite already knowing most of the residents, it was hard for me to live with them. It wasn't the fact that I was antisocial that caused issues to arise, but rather the fact that I wasn't going back home to Katherine.

To be frank, the only reason I wanted to get out of that hospital was so I could be with Katherine. She was like family to me as she was the only one willing to spend time with me at the hospital. I always relied on her for support-after all, she was always ready to give aid. Whether it was consolation after one of my favorite series ended or if the hospital assistants were being rude towards me, she'd always be there to comfort me. It was a tough pill to swallow when I realized that my savior was now caged and dying because of me.

I expect all of this to be a joke-no, I know this is a joke. I expect Luckas and Katherine to barge in one day, laugh at me, and then take me back to the hospital, where I would remain for the rest of my peaceful, event-less life. I want, no, need the reassurance that she was okay-that's why I'm waiting for her. I wait for her every day in the living room for as long as light shines through the window, rarely missing a second. Occasionally, I even stayed to watch through the night because I was confident she was going to appear... obviously, she still hasn't. Some people have came up to me to ask if I was okay, and I merely shrugged them off. If losing some sanity would bring her back, I'd be willing to go through hell for her sake.

It's not as if I've been spending all my days sitting in front of the entrance, awaiting her arrival. No, lately, I've been dragging books out to the living room with me. They were the only things that could comfort me, after all. Cliché romance novels always ending with the star couple staying with each other, those stories comforted me and consoled me in my dire situation. Though I was hopeless without her company, I wanted to convey that I could fend for myself.

However, days are turning into weeks and weeks are turning into months. A page turned is turning to a books shelved, and said books now clutter and pile on the floor of the living room floor. Seasons are dying one after another, and there is no end in sight for this sadistic gag. The sun I admired is now something I dread. Before I knew it, life was moving on and was leaving me behind. It's now a reoccurring joke that I'm a "deluded puppy", since others have claimed I am "always searching for someone who will never come back". The crowd around me has tried to make me believe that all of my impatient anticipation was to be in vain. However, this trend immediately died, and no one ever bothers me anymore. Which, of course, is fine by me. Day by day, I continue to sit by the door, impatiently waiting, hopelessly waiting for the dead to come back.

"Allie," a childlike voice called, its speaker tugging at the edge of my shirtsleeve. I peered down to see Lily looking up at me with her big, innocent eyes. "You should come eat. Miss Helena is going to worry again if you don't eat with us... but, it's okay if you want me to bring it to you again."

Lily is one of my housemates. Similar to me, she was abandoned at a young age and was taken in by the Adair Foster Home. Cute freckles pepper her face and her gorgeous, hazel eyes always hold a glint of pure happiness. Since she was young, she was still innocent-a characteristic I have always envied. Because she can't dress herself, Miss Helena usually dresses her in loose, white smocks and ties her fiery, red hair into a single braided ponytail. If you were to ask what two words would describe Lily, I would say, "innocently adorable".

"Lily, tell Miss Helena that I'm busy," I responded, bookmarking my book and placing it down. On the front cover, it read Luckless Romance: something I was all too familiar with. "I have things to deal with. If you can, please bring me my portion again."

"Oh, are you waiting for your person again?" she ecstatically questioned. "Everyone knows about your person. They say that she'll never come back because she's really sick and that you should give up," she added, then paused for a bit. "To be honest with you, Allie, I agree with them. I think you should give up on her. Miss Helena always says that you can't always get what you want."