What's Said in Silence

Vessel-XXXXXXXV

Wrong. It's all wrong.

I tore the page from my notebook and crumpled it in my fist. Hours had passed and still I had no success. I'd written countless lines that, by themselves, were fine but they just didn't fit with each other nor did they fit the song. 

The melody was there and had been there for months. I could feel it thrumming in my chest, asking to be heard. What good was a melody if I couldn't put the words to it? 

How the lustrous has dulled.

My body stiffened. Of course she still lingered, but was it to writhe in the satisfaction of my career washing away or to convince me to follow her again? I'd done a fair job of ignoring her the last few weeks, even more so since Sera and I confessed to one another and solidified our relationship. 

I chose you for your fortitude. Talent was never apart of the equation.

I stopped tapping my pen against my thigh. Was I really without talent? Did I only ever produce these songs because of her? I had thought they were my lyrics- perhaps heavily influenced by a deity but they were still my own words. Perhaps I have been misinterpreting my basis of success for far too long, and perhaps now I was at the end of my rope. 

A soft knock at the door made my head jerk. Sera stood there with a cup of tea in her hands. With a tender smile she padded over to me and placed the cup on my desk. She gave me a quick kiss before walking back out and shutting the door behind her as if not to disturb me too much. 

'Take Me Back To Eden' surfaced in my mind as I stared at the door. Comparatively, it had been slightly different from my other songs. Not just in how the lyrics came to be, but also in the motivator. Rather than fear and the need to see approval from my manipulator, I had written that song with a desire in mind. At the time it was a fascination that quickly turned into obsession. I hadn't realized that there had been an undertone of the love I would inevitably feel for this woman. 

She had been the muse for arguably one of my most successful songs. She wasn't my distraction. She was my inspiration. Choosing Sera over Sleep would not be the downfall of my career, only the shift in direction it needed. A new era was bound to be born. 

And it would be.

Shifting in my seat with renewed focus, I furiously scribbled into my notebook. The first few lines were tossers just as before but the more I thought of the woman in the next room- likely in the kitchen prepping our dinner that we would eat while watching a movie as we've come accustomed to over the weeks- the more the lyrics flowed together. Finally I had a grasp on something and I didn't intend on squandering this opportunity. 

I distantly heard the deity's whispers but I ignored them, too lost in the maniacal creativity. I allowed memories of the past, both hers and mine, to filter through me freely. All the times she matched with me, running parallel to my own challenges and how she would feed into my desires rather than turn away from them. 

Then there was Scotland. Not only had the autumn colors complemented her well, but she had shown me what lay beneath the surface. Perhaps I loved her then but hadn't become aware of it.

She never had to make any elaborate promises to maintain my attention. Unlike Sleep, my fascination with her came as naturally as the seasons change. I had a new understanding of the world and everything in it because of her, including myself. She had shown me layers of myself I hadn't known were there and she hadn't needed to speak to do it.

By the time I finished, my hand cramped and knuckles aching, it was pitch black outside. I stood from my chair, stretching all the tense muscles of my back and shoulders. My body sang from the relief of finally changing positions. 

On the night stand closest to the door was a plate of food. I had been so focused on the song I hadn't noticed her come in again. She'd left me undisturbed but still made sure I was taken care of. This woman deserved entire universes and someday I'd give them to her. 

I bypassed the food and walked into the living room where Sera lay nestled in the cushions of the couch. The T.V had long since shut itself off from whatever she was watching. The clock read just past midnight. It really had been hours. 

I scooped her up into my arms and carried her towards the bedroom. Her head rested limply against my chest, the short puffs of air from her nose tickling the skin there. A light chuckle escaped as I whispered "The man you have made of me, my love."