What's Said in Silence

Sera-XXXXVIII

I blew my nose for what had to be the fiftieth time since I came inside. 

Vessel did warn you about that.

Shut up. It was bad enough that I was most likely going to catch a nasty cold from being outside for nearly three hours without a coat, but to have him be right about it just made it worse. He's been right a little too much lately. 

I wasn't sure if he actually had a meeting with II or if he was just pulling an excuse out of his ass to leave the house. Either way, I was glad to have the house to myself. It was a rare thing that I found solace in the quiet, but I couldn't think straight with him right there. I ignored the small twinge of discomfort due to his absence, I was mad at him- no, livid- but I still missed him.

You knew your secrets would come to light sooner or later. 

Shut up. Yes, there was always the possibility of him finding out. What I hadn't expected was for Jessie to be the one to spill it. As much as I wanted to be angry with Jessie for what he'd done, I could only bring myself to be a little more than irritated. He'd been manipulated into drinking, all for the sole purpose of letting out information on me. 

I hated manipulation tactics more than anything on this earth. It was such a lowly way of gaining something from someone, usually too stupid to realize they're being taken advantage of. The manipulators were usually all too good at it anyway. They had this knack for seeding out the ground work undetected before yanking everything from underneath you and convincing you to thank them. 

It was exactly what Preston had done to me. He'd spent months planting his seeds of lies under the guise of little truths, my under developed teenage brain had believed every word that came out of his mouth. By the time I had realized what he'd roped me into, led me to believe, and how he'd coerced me into doing his bidding, it was too late. 

No matter how many times I'd try to loosen his soul's grip on mine, it failed every time and only made it tighter. Every time I'd try to get out of doing his schemes, the consequences got worse. He always found a way to bring me back to him, whether I was kicking and screaming or coming back willingly with my tail tucked between my legs. He was good at reeling me back one way or another. Until he lost his last line of leverage.

Evelyn. 

Memories of her laughter and elder sister scoldings floated into my mind. From memories as old as elementary school through high school blended together in a bittersweet montage. The first time I fell from a tree and she put every band-aid we had left over my scraped knee. The Christmas we tried to 'catch Santa'. Her first heartbreak and how she slept in my room for a week. The birthday she gave me my first camera. The day she left for college. My last conversation with her. 

The last one was undoubtedly the most painful memory, it was the last time I had seen her. I hadn't been permitted to attend her funeral. Our dad had completely disowned me for what happened and barred me from ever attending anything family related after what Preston did.

"You brought this evil into our family. You've done nothing but lie and whore around and now your sister is dead because of it! Because of you." The anger and disgust on his face would burn into my memories forever. I hadn't meant for this to happen. I thought he would let her go. My father was the only person I'd had the courage to talk to about this but even he didn't believe me, mostly because he'd told me several times to stay away from Preston. If only he knew how hard I tried. 

"Get out of my sight. Don't you dare darken my doorstep again." He all but pushed me out of the house and into the pouring rain, my clothes instantly drenched. I turned back to look at him, ready to open my mouth and plead and cry and beg with him not to do this to me. Then he said the words that would echo in my mind forever and become embedded in my subconscious. "It should have been you." The door slammed shut.