What's Said in Silence

Sera-XII

I didn't have much in the way of 'going out' clothes, so I settled for a short black skirt and a white collared top. I wore my black Toms- the shoes I had gotten to appease Vessel my first week here- and styled my hair in a half up-do. All in all I looked put together. 

Vessels knee grazed against mine. I didn't flinch but that didn't mean I wasn't aware of the electricity flowing though the contact point. Being sat side by side in the back seat of a sedan shouldn't have felt so...condensed. Then again, last night had felt so electrically charged it could have powered all of London. Part of me had thought he would kiss me. Part of me wanted him to. 

I glanced over to find him staring out the window, the reflection of his mask staring back at me. He was very still. If it hadn't been for the car going over an occasional bump, I'd have thought he wasn't really there- that I was imagining him. Maybe I was imagining him and everything that's happened lately. Could I just be going through a trauma response? Am I going to wake up in a padded room with my arms strapped around my waist? A wave of nausea rolled over me. 

We pulled up to a building with a line of people leading into the front entrance. As we circled around to the back entrance, I couldn't help the nerves that tangled in my stomach. Elbows.... Cornered in... Watching me. I shook my head to clear the unpleasant memories.

When the car stopped, Vessel got out and stood by the door while I slid across the seat. He held his hand out for me. It  was such a small gesture, a soft one even, but the intensity flared between us nonetheless. I paused for only a second, my gaze shifting between his hand and his mask as if waiting for him to change his mind, before I placed a tentative hand in his. 

He helped me out of the car and we followed two other men, who looked to be in their mid-twenties at best, into the building. We made a few twists and turns through the halls before stopping in front of a black door. Vessel led the way into the room where three other men dressed in black with fabric masks over their faces were waiting. What is it with the masks?

They didn't say anything, instead they each gave me a courtesy hello nod- one of them crinkled their eyes as if they were smiling underneath their mask. He held drumsticks in his hands which were painted just like Vessel. My eyes dropped down to the floor. When meeting new people, I always felt rude. I didn't talk, which makes things difficult as it was, but my refusal to smile made me feel like I came across stuck-up or bitchy. As much as I hated coming across that way, I hadn't smiled in years. I won't start now. 

The four of them spent a few minutes shuffling around the room doing various things to prepare from adjusting outfits to tuning instruments. Vessel spent a few minutes touching up some of his paint to make it darker. I had to wonder if he ever felt out of place being painted like that anywhere outside of a concert hall. 

His unpainted arm.

It hit me that he may have not come out of his room for a reason other than avoiding me. Here I was making things about me as if he were that invested in me when in reality he could have just been taking a break from being in full costume. I mentally kicked myself for not realizing that sooner. I was too busy projecting my own impulsive thoughts onto him. 

Explain what happened that night in the living room, then. All the things he said. The way he growled.

It could have been due to the fact that he'd just spent hours traveling back home and found his employee in a less than professional position. Maybe it was his own, strange way to get me to be more aware of my surroundings and clothing choices. As creepy as that would be if it were anyone else, it actually made sense with him. 

But why bring you here?

I shifted on my feet and began picking at my nails. As he said, I hadn't taken a day off since I got here. He was making sure I was actually taking the day off. Part of me felt sad about the fact that I had let my imagination get the better of me and convinced myself that someone would be so interested in me- all of me was embarrassed. 

A knock on the door broke me from my thoughts and one of the young men I saw earlier poked his head in. "It's time." He said before ducking his head back out. The other three men filed out of the room. Vessel stood beside me and looked down at me for a brief moment. I gave a small nod for the unspoken question between us and he led the way out the door. 

We followed a different set of halls, the chaos of a large crowd getting louder and louder the further down we went. The knots in my stomach twisted tighter as a stage came into view through some large black curtains. Vessel held out his hand, signaling me to stop while he walked out onto the stage. The crowd erupted in a fit of cheers and screams as he took his position behind a keyboard. 

"For so long I have waited." He started singing as he played the keyboard. It nearly took the breath right out of me. I had thought his voice was beautiful but I hadn't expected a voice like that.  "so long that I almost became just a stoic statue fit for nobody, and I don't wanna get in your way, but I finally think I can say, that the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me." 

The drummer joined in and the crowd began clapping as he sang. His lyrics were just as poetic as I had assumed they would be, based on the few snippets of writing I had seen... both the one he showed me and the one I had accidentally found. 

"So rain down on me."

"She's perfectly misaligned."

"You know you hypnotize me, always."

"I look for scarlet and you look for ultraviolet."

Each song came with it's own tidal wave of emotions. The crowd sang along with every lyric and I could understand why- hearing his music for the first time was a different experience all on it's own. I could only imagine what it would feel like to have listened to some of these songs on replay and getting a deeper understanding of the lyrics then applying them to real and personal events. 

He started playing one song and as he sang the crowd fell silent. It confused me because the crowd had sang every lyric as loud as they could the whole time, why go quiet now? Either way, I was kinda glad to be able to hear his voice so clearly, that was until something very familiar rang through my ears. 

"We dive through crystal waters, perfect oceans, but no one told me not to breathe and now the weightlessness recedes." 

It was the song he had just shown me a few days ago... and the crowd must be hearing it for the first time. That explains why they got quiet. My ego inflated at the fact that I have had a little sneak peak into something the rest of the world had yet to hear, but as he continued different emotions set in.

"My, my those eyes like fire. I'm a winged insect, you're a funeral pyre. Come now, bite through these wires, I'm a waking hell and the gods grow tired. Reset my patient violence along both lines of a pathway higher. Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire. I will travel far beyond the path of reason. Take me back to Eden, take me back to Eden." He belted out the last note and I felt my knees buckle underneath me. 

I wasn't sure if it was the lyrics or his voice being the one that delivered them, but I couldn't control the way my eyes blurred as a tear broke free. Too stunned to move, I allowed the single tear to slip down my face and drip off of my chin. 

I'm in too deep and I seem to have forgotten how to swim.