Ice Cold Love

Part 18

How was I going to get Coach to believe me? Forget captaincy, what just happened would get me suspended from the team as a whole. The only thing that could possibly stop that was somehow proving Conner and Luca set me up.

The thought of surveillance footage came and went; the swimming centre didn't have cameras in the training areas. Maybe I could get someone that witnessed what happened to vouch for me?

The idea was laughable, to say the least. Not only would I first have to somehow hunt down the very few people that saw what happened, but I would also have to convince said people to get involved. If we weren't hockey players known for being downright violent, they might have agreed, but anyone with a spec of common sense knew not to get in the middle of a problem that involved not one, not two, but three hockey players.

I realised how desperate I was when I contemplated talking to Adam. Being the brother of an influential business owner and brother-in-law of a kickass lawyer had its perks, and I had never really utilised them. The idea was squashed when thoughts of what Adam would say came to mind.

Our explosive temper was something we both had in common. Adam had worked hard to learn to control it, and I had promised to do the same this year. Adam would kill me first and ask questions later if I told him what happened and tried to get him to help.

God, I was fucked, I thought as I let my head fall back against the wall. I felt like I was stuck in a corner and there was no way out. Hopelessness flowed through me, dampening the anger that was swirling inside.

I couldn't help but think back to when Adam had made me promise to work on my hot temper before summer started.

"You can't keep going like this," Adam said as he dabbed an alcohol drenched cotton pad on my cut cheek, making me wince. "I know you have this raging, burning anger in you. I understand it, I had something similar to it in me," Adam gave me a knowing glance. "There were times it completely consumed me, Ron, and I wouldn't be able to think straight. It took me a long time, and a lot of Talia's yelling, to finally get through my head that it wasn't right."

He finished up on my cheek and moved to my split knuckles. "My anger, it would dig me into a deeper, darker hole than I was already in and make me drive people away. Hell Ron, I almost lost Talia because of it." He sighed, as if wishing he could scold his past self, and went on.

"I used to think I had every right to be as angry and shitty as I was, because life had dealt me a crap set of cards, but Talia made me realise that my mind-set was wrong. Yeah, you can't control what happens to you, and you have every right to grieve, but you're not living in the past, and you're responsible for how you deal with things." I hated how right he was, and I felt my head involuntarily nod along as he spoke.

"It took a lot of freaking work to calm myself down and learn to do things differently, to not explode at people and make them regret messing with me. I know it's hard, mate, some people really fucking deserve a few blows to the head, but that's just not the way." He chuckled at his own words, and I couldn't help but join him.

"And let me tell you Ronan," Adam started, looking up from nursing my hand, "I've regretted most the things I've done and said in my rage and anger, but I've not regretted anything since I learned to somewhat control it."

I was glad he turned back to my injured hand, because those words were the final stake through my ice cold heart. I knew Adam was right; I really couldn't go on like this anymore. Which punch or insult would be the one to wear my luck out? Just because I never faced any serious consequences up until now didn't mean I never would.

How much longer could I go on before karma chose to turn its attention to me? How long did I have before my past started chasing me down, demanding justice? I couldn't change my shitty past, or go back to right my wrongs. Seeking retribution was useless. All I could do was move forward with the intent of not making the same mistakes again.