𝑺𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐 𝑻𝒓𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒔 𝑶𝒏𝒆-𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔

Matt- Depression

"I wish I could wake up to an ordinary life" 

What would life be if he chose to be a carpenter? What if he didn't sit in his car every week and argue about stupid shit with his brothers for half an hour a week. How would he live? Would he still be in Boston? The whats and ifs filled his mind as he took a small bite of his toast.

"And everything would be fine"

Would it be though? 

VERSE TWO

"Got no cure for anxiety" 

Sucide? That is a cure in one person's eyes and a new hell in another. Meds? Well, that kind of takes the fun out of having a mental illness right? "One more bite Matt" Nick urges, looking at Matt and his half-eaten toast. Matt groans, the food giving him anxiety. 

"I don't fit in with society" 

He was an outcast. He was a triplet. He couldn't count on one hand how many times he had seen triplets out and about. He had social anxiety. He had a fucking fear of socialising. He had tattoos, not that that made him an outcast but sometimes it felt like that. He was getting told by his older brother to eat toast. Name one human getting yelled at for not eating bread. No one. Got it.  

"Cause I've never known a perfect world" 

His house burnt down when he was sixteen. He had been to more therapists than the letters in therapy. Doesn't that say enough?

"I feared I've lost all emotion" 

He went back to his cove, or his room as his brothers called it. He wanted to cry. Nothing came out. A sad song? Didn't help. Wait, he didn't want to cry, he was numb. He didn't remember the last time he laughed. Or smiled as a matter of fact.

"I'm one small drop in an ocean"

He was nothing. Just another droplet of water in the ocean. Seventy-one per cent of the world is the ocean. He was nothing. Some people took three drops cause they are special. What was special about him? That he had six million on YouTube? Mr Beast had almost two billion times that. According to the authors math. 

"Cause those who once loved me have thrown me away" 

Nick and Chris didn't see Matt as someone anymore. They didn't see him as a brother. They saw him as work. Make sure he eats, and make sure he comes out of his room at least three times a day. Make sure this, make sure that. When was it going to end? When was Matthew Bernad Sturniolo going to be a human, not an object? 

Maybe he should change that. 

CHORUS 

"I wish I could love my body, my mind" 

Matt looked in the mirror, staring at his reflection, it was scary, that was for sure. He didn't even look like Matt. He was skin and bone, he was his hoodie. He was someone who showered once a week when his hair got oily, someone who hid blades in his pillowcase. He wasn't Matt. Matt left ages ago. Where was he? 

"Wake up and see myself from someone else's eyes"

He looked with old Matt's eyes. He slowly started to see parts of his old self again. That scar on his head from the golf club, that is still there. The little Matt who smiled and giggled all day long, was trapped inside, waiting to come out. Matt just had to find the key. But where was it? 

"I wish I could heal these scars that I hide"

He brought his shirt up, exposing his arms. They were painted with red lines, some faded, some fresh. Some were matching up to his white skin tone that you could see through. He needed to get some sun thinking about it now. Maybe he could drive down to the beach and take a walk? Would his brothers want to come? 

"I wish I could wake up with an Ordinary life"

He had an ordinary life, right? He just chose to make it everything but ordinary. That was his decision. That stupid voice decision. He needed to unsubscribe to that voice if he wanted to have a somewhat ordinary life.

"And everything would be fine"

He just had to make it fine.

OUTRO EVEN THOUGH THERE ARE MORE SONG LYRICS I'M TOO SAD TO KEEP WRITING

"Maybe I'm wrong"

He is right. That's not him talking. It is his illness. He isn't his illness. He is Matt. Finally, the mirror was making sense.

"Maybe I'm fine"

Maybe he was a version of fine that fits him? The word fine is too broad. How can one be fine? He had to find his fine. 

"I might be ok without an ordinary life"

Does he relapse after being clean for twelve hours or does he become Matt again? Is that an ordinary life to him? Finding himself. That is what he had been doing originally anyway. He just had to find when that changed and how he could change it for the better. 

-- 

Not paying for therapy. 

Sorry, request Nick and Chris shit, please. I have like 4 requests from them together and like 20 Matt requests 

If you are offended by anything written here. I'm sorry. 

Do drugs, don't die.

Love you all. 

-Bon