ROCKSTAR ⇒ jegulus

THIRTY FOUR

James tries to convince himself, rationalise with himself, that it isn't weird that he masterbated over Regulus. He spends almost every hour thinking about it.

It can't be weird. It just can't be.

James, however, does feel weird about it. He feels as though he has sexualised innocent, delicate, Regulus; his best friend's little brother.

His strange, new found attraction to Regulus is burning him like a hot flame, and James can not even begin to tell where the fire is coming from, nor how he is supposed to put it out.

The attraction to Regulus has ambushed him, caught him by pure and utter surprise. How had he never noticed Regulus' long, delicate, fingers before? His sharp, witty, remarks have never been attractive before now. His faint, lopsided, smirk has never been an object of James' desires until now.

And James can not understand why.

Nothing about Regulus has changed, not physically, anyways. James begins to ponder if his own, personal, ideals of Regulus have changed instead.

Arguably, upon their first meeting, in that coffee shop, James did find Regulus easy on the eyes, if not a little boring and dull, dry humoured. However, now? Now that Regulus makes small jokes about their baby needing glasses too, now that Regulus openly cares about how comfortable James is during labour.

Now that Regulus has so soothingly offered to do whatever James wants him to when he is in labour, be whatever version of himself James needs him to be. There is something so supportive about it, something so comforting, and something so calming.

You'll be giving birth to my baby, I won't be able to think about anything else other than her, and...and you, both of you, actually.

Now that James knows, God he knows, that Regulus is in this with him, there is something so otherworldly attractive about him.

Regulus is his baby's father, surely he's allowed to find him attractive, right? However, shouldn't James have always found him attractive? What is the meaning behind his new found appreciation for Regulus' appearance? Pregnancy hormones? James hopes so anyways.

Perhaps his hormones are leading him to biological needs, primitive instincts. That is normal, isn't it? James would like to think so, as he rationalises it even more than he already has been doing.

Regulus has helped to give him their little girl. James may be the one growing her, carrying her inside of him, but Regulus makes up part of her genetics too. Regulus had helped make her just as much.

James rubs a hand down his bump as he eases himself out of his bed, drawing the curtains open. "Right, little honey, mummy and daddy are going to go shopping today to grab some things for your nursery. We haven't got much time left to get it all together," He hums. "You'll be here soon, sweetheart, so, very, soon,"

James slowly steps down his staircase, padding his way to the kitchen. "Mummy's a little hungry," He utters, feeling a strong want for porridge and raspberries. He hasn't even got any raspberries in his fridge. And that becomes incredibly disappointing to him.

He has never wanted a raspberry more than he does right now. He has never wanted to taste that sweet, rosy red berry more than he does right now.

James wonders if this is it; a pregnancy craving. Is it him that wants the raspberries, or is it Stella? He can not decide, and yet he hopes that it is Stella who wants them.

He hopes that Stella is the one making him want raspberries. James needs that connection right now, that tie to his daughter. They're bonded, aren't they? Stella sits cozily inside of the bump that sits against James' hips. They're one, one united front, and James is glad to allow Regulus into that, to bind with them, he and Stella. Bonded.