ROCKSTAR ⇒ jegulus

EIGHT

James awakes with a serious bout of nausea that has him blindly staggering towards his en-suite, clutching a palm to his mouth.

He hasn't even had the time to rummage around for his glasses; he's flying entirely blind, as he sinks to his knees before the toilet bowl. His knees come crashing down nongracefully against the bathroom tiles, so much so that it aches.

James retches horribly, his stomach turning. When he thinks he is finished, he leans back, sitting on the floor with gasping breaths and hot tears stinging at his eyes. "Fuck," He utters hoarsely, his words rolling past his lips in a stammered manner.

He looks down to his belly, one hand clutching at the porcelain toilet bowl still, while the other falls to meet his still flat abdomen. "Oh, God," He grumbles, still queasy. "You know, I'm really doing my best here to get you grown and shit, so I don't know why you're so ungrateful, little one," James groans. He doesn't mean it, though.

"You definitely have your dad's attitude, eh?" James muses, rolling his eyes at the mere thought of Regulus Black. James traces a finger down his belly; vision still blurred and unfocused. "With that being said, your dad...well, he isn't the worst, is he? I mean, I took him over to meet your nana and grandad the other evening, and they really, really liked him,"

"He's probably got his head screwed on a lot more than I do, kiddo," James hums softly. "Which is why I half wonder why he's even agreed to get into this mess with you and I, mmh? We're a package deal, I suppose, you and me, babe,"

As James is slowly tracing his finger up and down his belly; a realisation hits him. He and his little one are a package deal, a united front, a shared being, at least for the next few months.

James is going to grow this child, share his body with them, allow his body to swell, and ache, and expand, all to accommodate this little baby. This baby is going to live inside of him, and with his help; they'll grow, and grow, and then they'll be the size of all kinds of various fruits.

James is suddenly hit by the epiphany that he feels a whole lot closer to his baby; that he's really pregnant, and having a baby of his own, and they're right there inside of him.

He feels a strange sort of connection to his baby in this moment. A connection that he hadn't really thought of until now. A connection that means that, no matter what, he and this child will always, always have each other.

They will go through this pregnancy together, grow together, feel all of those weird feelings and emotions together, crave strange foods together, the whole process will be something that won't be an isolated experience for James, because no matter how confusing and lonesome it may get; growing a baby means he is technically never going to be alone.

And that both comforts him and terrifies him.

Shit. He's having a baby.

One that'll depend on him for the rest of his life.

He's having a baby, with Regulus, and they'll probably need to depend on each other for the rest of their lives.

"Oh my God," James whispers hoarsely. He looks down at his abdomen. "I...fuck, you're a whole lot more real now, aren't you?" He utters, voice soft. "And I'm...well, I'm a whole lot unprepared for you,"

He doesn't mean it in a sense of he hasn't got enough diapers or baby cloths. James means it in the concept that he doesn't even know if he's mother material; he tours, he likes to tour. He doesn't know, in his heart, what having a baby will do to him just yet.