UNBEARABLE- Alastor x Lucifer - radioapple

the beginning of the end

TW: this chapter may contain descriptions of violence, SH, SA and offensive language (lgbt community, racism historical references). Please be aware. Thank you!

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Winter 1909

Alastor was walking around the house barefoot, so as not make a sound. He was searching for a marble that he lost the previous day, but he couldn't find it. He had looked in every corner of the small apartament, except for one place. He looked around silently, his eyes exploring the area. There was no one in the livingroom. He could proceed with his mission. The child stuck his head under the dusty sofa, put his hand behind the cupboard, under the carpet... He couldn't find it, it wasn't anywhere. 

He stopped the search immediately when he heard the front door opening. It couldn't have been his 'maman', who was working late in the laundry. It was his father coming back from work. Alastor run and placed next to the door, to take his father's coat as usual. He remained silent: his father didn't like when he spoke. His father didn't like anything about him. 

Lev angrily threw his coat at his son, and sat on the couch, motioning with his hand to the child to get him a beer from the kitchen. Alastor took the beer from the fridge, opened it and returned to his father. He was happy because this time the beer hadn't foamed so much. Maybe his father wouldn't have been angry with him today.

Lev looked at the little Alastor who was handing him the beer. He reached into his trouser pocket and took out his son's marble. "You know Alastor..." The 6 year old had a terrified look in his eyes. "I slipped on your marble this morning." The man got up and put the beer down. He touched his belt. "Unfortunately you were already at school, so i couldn't 'give it back to you' sooner." Alastor understood the situation. He was a smart kid. He looked at his feet resignedly. Lev grabbed the boy's arm violently and dragged him into the shitty bedroom where he slept, the belt in his other hand. The bare walls of the little room were really depressing (nearly suffocating), but never as much as the disgusting cot where Alastor slept. 

The boy cried for the whole thing, as always, and hid under the covers once Lev was finished. Amiyah returned from work after an hour, and went to console her son, as always. She could no longer forgive Lev's behaviour, so she faced her now husband. From that moment, Lev beat his son less and instead started giving it all to his wife.

Summer 1915

As time passed, Alastor began to see his father less and less and his maman more and more. Amiyah didn't leave the house much anymore, now that she worked as a commissioned tailor. Now that her face was always full of bruises. She didn't permit her son to protect her from Lev. She loved him more than anything. The woman didn't know that Alastor stood for her when she was not around, but anyway he just ended up getting beaten up.

On the other hand, Lev was always outside. Always drinking, gambling and wasting all their money. He forced the 12 year old to 'spend time' with Father John, in his rooms. So, when the money earned from working ran out, he asked the priest for payment for his son's 'services'. Alastor didn't care. He would do anything to protect his maman: the more the money, the more his father went out to gamble with it, the less they saw him.

 He would have done anything to push his father away, even if it hurt. That way, he could stay with his mom, help her with housework, without being called 'faggot'. At least, he didn't have to suffer the 'special treatment' everyday, unlike his maman. Alastor heard his father's endless 'noises'  in the night. He really didn't know how his mom could take that shit all night long. Alastor felt completely helpless. Useless. He needed to get stronger.

As time passed, the hatred for his father grew more and more.

Spring 1919

His birthday just happened. Another two years and he could take his maman out of that hell of a house. Another two years and he could be free. "Alastor, are you listening?" Oh, that's right. He was in class. "Yes teacher." He was not listening at all, but he was still one of the smartest students in his school. So when the teacher asked him to do the excercise on the board, no mistake was made. He was a good student. He was his maman 'good boy'. 

"My precious, good boy." Amiyah always said that to him. She was the kindest and purest person on Earth. Why would God provide her that treatment? His mom cried sometimes. She claimed that covering emotions up behind a fake smile, wasn't helpful in overcoming difficulties. She also said that life's obstacles were tests sent by God just to see if you fell into sin or if you gave up, and if you didn't you would become deserving of Heaven. Alastor didn't believe all of that, because it meant that Hell also existed outside of Earth. But he already knew 'Hell'.

He was popular, but didn't have friends at all. He had to return to his maman as soon as possible, everyday. He gently rejected the offers of that day's girl and went straight home. That day, it felt different: Alastor's found the appartament's door opened. He rushed in and saw his father, standing still in the middle of the room. The man's hands were covered in red liquid.

"What the hell happened?" He wasn't used to swear. He started searching for his maman.

 Alastor could feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks, as he walked in the kitchen, just to see his mom on the ground, with money in her right hand. The blood, 'painting' the ground, came from her stomach. 

Alastor knew she was dead already, still he couldn't help but press on her wound, hoping it would save her.

"Maman, s'il te plaît, reste avec moi. Ne me laisse pas seul dans ce monde. Je n'ai que toi. S'il te plaît, je t'aime plus que tout." ("Maman please, stay with me. Don't leave me alone in this world. I don't have anyone but you. Please, i love you more than anything.")

 Amiyah didn't respond. Alastor desperately cried . He cried like he never did before; hoping that at least on person in all of New Orleans could hear him, and come help him. But not even one of the assholes (or drunks) that lived in that shitty building heard his cry. For 16 years, no one had ever heard him once. And then anger. He looked around and saw the knife that asshole used. Alastor took his glasses off and grabbed it. He went to the the living room.

Lev was curled up, on the ground, crying like a baby. He seemed helpless. He seemed mortified. Murmuring something about money. Murmuring loving words to maman. Murmuring something like 'accident'. It made Alastor even more angry. His beloved maman was killed by accident?  He couldn't accept it. His father didn't deserve a word from him.

He stabbed his father once... then twice. Alastor was stronger than his father now. He had grown from that useless child that was hit and used as a toy everyday. When that 'louse' tried to escape, begging for mercy, he stabbed him another time. And again. And again. And again. Until there were no more places to strike. Until he regained control. 

He wiped his sweaty forehead, smearing blood on his face. He felt no guilt. That man was horrible. Nobody would miss him. He sat on the floor for what it felt like hours and then crawled towards the kitchen, to stay close to his maman. He cried a lot, lying next to his mother. He felt like dying, for the first time. 

He never tried suicide before as he had to stay with his mom and help her, support her. But at that moment, he had nothing to live for anymore. The only person he cared about was dead. He took the knife but, as he saw the blood coming from his wrists, he remembered his mother's words, and simply no longer had the courage to continue cutting. 

At least, justice was done. At least maman didn't die for nothing. At least, he wouldn't have to live in that house alone with 'him'. His mom wouldn't be very proud of him, as he fell into sin, but at least...

"Justice is done, maman."

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A/N: hope you liked this new chapter. I searched online for a name for Alastor's mom and i found 'Amiyah' from a drawing on tumbler. I really liked it so decided to use it. In the next chapter i'll explain how Alastor overcame all of his traumas (priest part included)!!! 

P.S.: english is not my first language, so if you find any mistake please point them out!! Thank you<3