𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞

I Admit

Divine 

𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚝𝚘𝚗, 𝙲𝙰

"Wow Divine you are so beautiful, you getting all grown on me!" My mom's life long friend Kesha said. 

I smiled holding both of my hands together before saying, "Thank you."

"So how's school at uh-" She said snapping her fingers dragging her blunt. 

"Crenshaw." I added with a small smile. "It's good, a very good place to learn." I added. Which is true, it's a good place for learning alright. 

"That's good! don't gotta deal with none of that Compton mess." She said causing me to tense up. Only if she knew about the shooting I was practically in the middle of last week. 

"Mhm." I said forcing a smile. 

She looked at me with a smile nodding her head with her hand on her chin leaning on the card table. 

"Come on Kesha and pay attention to the damn game!" Uncle Edward said causing everyone to laugh and agree. "She know we proud of her, shit!" He added downing the liquor out of his 40 bottle. 

"Divine go stir them greens for me baby." Ma said sitting with her arms crossed on the ledge of the couch leaning towards a whole different group of people. Family, close friends, neighbors. Every damn body.

Told you. Whole damn Compton will be here. 

"Yes mam." I said turning around heading to the kitchen. 

Got To Give It Up by Marvin Gaye started through out the house. I heard the "Heyyy's" start and everyone getting up to dance. 

I sighed grabbing the large spoon to stir the greens. I stirred until I saw the meat chunks she put in the greens turn a pinkish brown color. 

A tap on my shoulder caused me to turn around to be met with the one and only: Kendrick. 

"Ah" I yelped hugging him tightly. He embraced me back and rocked me back and forth. 

"What up Crenshaw warrior?!!" He semi yelled over the loud music causing me to glare at him and hit his arm. He know I hate that shit, like I don't miss Compton as it is.

We ran to my room like little kids and I shut the door behind me grabbing the rest of the blunt. 

"Waddup cuz?" He said sitting on the other side of me on my bed. 

"Nothing much, just school and work and that damn apartment complex." I said rolling my eyes sparking up for us.

"Well, you doing better than most. Keep your head up." He said looking down at his hands, playing with them. 

I took a hit of my blunt before giving him a look of suspense and a lifted eyebrow, "What's goin' on K-dot." I asked.

"Mm, just this music shit." He said. "I wanna rap D." He stated looking straight ahead. "You gone in another city and shit, I wanna do something big for the family to talk about  too." He said shrugging his shoulders. 

"If you wanna rap, rap." I said dragging the blunt. Kendrick's been talking about this rap shit since we hit puberty. "What do you want to rap about though? It better not be that hood shit." I said getting upset before he even gave me a answer. We was not raised like that. 

Sadly, we could'nt help the environment that we grew up in though, he could try to act like he ain't been doing nothing, but I know Kendrick. He's been doing something.

"Hell nah. Story telling, that's my shit right there. You don't see artist story tell, putting themselves in other peoples shoes." He stated playfully snatching the blunt from me taking a quick puff. 

"Mhm. Really though, you should start." I stated snatching my blunt back and nudging his shoulder. 

"Mannn where Trina sexy ass at?" He asked causing me to look at him with a look of disgust. 

"K-dot mm mm." I said. 

"What?" He asked. 

Rashaad

"Thirty-five for you." I stated to a pretty broad I knew from school; her name is Jules and she keep the flyest shit on. She's young though, easy to manipulate and I just want the cash, so.

"Okay." She blushed giving me the thirty-five in hand. 

Grabbing the money, I passed her the weed and licked my lips and smirked at her. 

I walked backwards looking at her til I reached the car. Back to Belmont I go. As soon as it was all over, I went straight to Christina's house. I honestly want to know how it would feel to go straight to Divine's house after it all, but shit happens.

I sat in the car thinking of how strange she's been acting. She been acting a little too strange, like acting like someone else. Divine maybe? 

They don't communicate at all, but they have each other on SixDegrees.. I would hope Christina's not trying to set me up. I been through this too many times with these broads. 

We both made an agreement that we wouldn't let my lifestyle get in between us, it's all confusing me. 

Bumping into Divine, it's making me realize this shit is wrong. It's out of order, but I have to do what I have to do. 

I heard of her panic attack. I made a promise to myself I'd make it known in my own special way I care for her. I feel as if I can't make that known to people because I'm embarrassed. I'm used to being seen in my relationships; I'm used to being in charge. 

Divine knows what she wants and how she wants it, and I know what I want and how I want it.

All in all, the feeling of committing is just too risky right now.

I'm about what I'm about and as long as I can keep her mind distracted to the fact that I'm not as bad as people make me seem, I can have her when this lifestyle I live is a done deal. 

Til then, I can show her better than I can tell her. 

I sent a freshman to her apartment to give her the money. If she doesn't tell anyone at school about it, then I'd know she didn't receive it. 

Sadly, the people around her she feels like she can trust with the information that she gives to them when it comes to me and her. Truth is, they run back and tell me, or my homies, and gossip to other bitches about it. 

I feel bad sometimes, unless she knows what she's doing, but it gives me insight on how she feels. I don't have to say a word, she says plenty though. To protect myself, I tell the people it's all lies. 

Anyways, if word don't get out that she received anonymous cash, I'll just fuck up the freshman that used it as his own my damn self I don't have to make a phone call. 

I gave her that money so she can pay her bills and do whatever else it is that she wants with the cash. 

Who gave her the cash was me.