𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞

A Different World

Divine
                     -excuse any mistakes

*Ring*

First hour bell rang, and I sat up groggily in my seat.

No breakfast, no mobile phones, no earbuds, no nothin'.

Just paper, pencil, and your brain in Mr.Brown's class. I couldn't sleep most nights due to the violence happening outside my damn window.

Or sometimes, I'd sit up and think about life. Brings anxiety just thinking about how I use to be the poor, low hygiene girl in middle school.

I sat and daydreamed as Mr.Brown instructed us on some history bullshit.

I wasn't paying attention honestly, he'd never grasp my attention unless I was reading in between the lines of his disses on Rashaad.

Speaking of the devil.

A knock on the door causes me to look over to see him in the window. I quickly looked away and pretended to write in my composition book.

"You're 20 minutes late, you might as well just missed this period. You missed out on alot of information." Mr.Brown spoke trying to make him feel sorry.

He spoke softly to the point everything he said was muffled. I took that as a hint to mind my business and keep "writing" down notes.

I heard shuffling noises and felt a warm silhouette sit next to me.

"Wassup Divine." He said obviously stressed.

"Hey Rashaad." I said back as the silence that overcame gave me a sense of awkwardness.

I scratched my head and got back to my work. Whatever.

After minutes that felt like hours of writing we had a movie.

I loved movies because for one, we'd be in the dark, two it was the closest I felt to Rashaad.

I guess I can stop fighting that hard exterior of mines and admit I have a big ass crush on him.

"Mm, you heard about Maurice?" He asked breaking the silence causing me to look at him.

"Uh- uh yeah." I lied. I had no idea what the hell he was even talking about.

"Honestly. No I don't know nothin'" I admitted making us both laugh.

"Say he locked up for 10 years. I couldn't imagine doin' 10 years." He expressed.

I honestly had no idea where this conversation was going but I know I didn't want it to stop.

"That's crazy." I said back.

I did not wanna look like some thirsty trick.

"Yeah." He replied turning back around.

We watched the movie until he laid his head down, which caused me to stop paying attention. I traced his beautiful corn rows with my eyes.

Closing my eyes, I decided to embrace how he make me feel. I slowly closed one lid after the other. My spiritual ass always have to be extra.

I sat and sent healing energy to him, just to see if it really works.

His body shot up and he looked at me like I had two heads. I slowly looked at him and blinked. He felt it?

This is so awkward.

He turned and whispered something to our mutual friend Chris. It caused me to feel like the "weird girl." Whatever with what he said. I can't wait til this class is over.

End of School

Todays my off day which means I could just go home and actually study, cook me some food, smoke my blunt and call it a day.

I can't wait to finish school. Class of 03', sounds real good.

I have only one friend: Trina. She stays in Compton. We see eachother anytime we can, and I make sure to call when I'm not so busy.

She encourages me to fuck Rashaad and just get it over with. Her silly ass.

His energy overrides my body, I cant help but to feel him inside of me. I wonder what he's doin.

Rashaad

"Ugh." I groaned as I continued thrusting my hips having rough sex with Christina.

School was over which meant money, cars, clothes, hoes, and repeat.

I love money. It's Cali. We sell weed out here.

Christina is my main girl. I come home to her in Oakland any chance I get. She makes me feel like who I used to be before money got involved as much as it did.

Just a regular broke nigga that had enough to pass.

My life before I had whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever the fuck I wanted. I was humble. As soon as money came I became so reckless it's crazy.

Money is my main priority, I make it all day everyday.

Christina reminds me of humble beginnings, but that doesn't mean I'm committed to her.

Living a fast life means you have to have everything coming to you fast repetitively.

Pussy, clothes, shoes, and my favorite, money.

Fucking felt amazing and it was just enough to make me feel alive, so I stick around with her.

I get her whatever she wants, call her nicknames that reminds me of the names I couldn't call no girl when I aint have it like that, and basically act happy and satisfied in the relationship.

As much as I loved this life I have with her  and fucking like rabbits it sometimes creep in my mind how tired I am of living a lie.

And I hide behind everything I know I can hide behind.. like money, cars, clothes, hoes, and repeat. Funny how life works, it makes me realize money don't buy happiness at all.

"How was school?" She asked laying her head on my chest.

"Cool." I answered.

"Hmm. Well I had a nice time at school too." She said giving me an answer to a question I didn't ask.

"That's good." I replied back.

Talking about school only reminded me of Divine. Which is why I didn't wanna talk about it..made me feel guilty in a way.

Divine reminded me too much of me, which creep me the fuck out.

She was a female and had her head on straight just like me, it's chess not checkers when it comes to her.

I know she likes me and I definitely like her too, but that don't mean she deserves me or what I have going on right now.

As in me I mean a person that's not seeking for commitment right now.

I live a fast life. I live a double life.