Piece by Piece

One

I'm glad I did just that.

Therapy and AA meetings offer support when I have tough days, but now I know I can rely on my own judgment. A few of my clients need later appointments so I can't attend as many meetings as I would like, but at least I know there are resources available if I am able to take them.

Maybe I'll never meet someone in person from this app. At least I can keep myself occupied for the time being.

There are always options at work, but since I am a trainer and employee of the gym that could create issues.  Now that I'm away from the party scene it has become obvious I have no good way of meeting someone new.

It was rare that anyone catches my eye.  I'm ridiculously picky when it comes to dating after dealing with my ex.  She capitalized on my addiction to spend my money and keep me under her toxic spell.

Going to rehab helped me see that she was never on my side.

Never truly cared about my needs.

I deserve more than that.

Swiping left quickly happened on auto pilot until a photo made me freeze.

She's cute, unassuming... and seems nice just in her wide smile.  The selfie was not as provocative as a lot I see.  Her warm brown hair was short, a blunt cut at her shoulders, so between the sweet expression and a framed "Casablanca" poster I spotted in the background I decided to swipe right.

We matched.

My breath caught as I checked out this gal's profile.

Margot, 24

"Just another blundering American."

The quote made me grin, especially as I scanned everything she shared.  If this is all true, Margot is an SEO specialist for a marketing company in the city.  She made a few references to old movies, including "Gone with the Wind", and from the photos shared is just living her life. One showed her with a guy she said was her brother sitting on a dock with fishing poles in the water. Another was from college graduation, gold cords around her neck proving Margot is as intelligent as she is adorable.

It's refreshing when someone doesn't try too hard.  Part of my issue with online dating is the lack of transparency.  This medium makes it easy for people to catfish or fudge the truth enough so they can appear however they think you want them to appear. Jocelyn did that constantly. I would question my reality daily until therapy taught me what gaslighting really meant.

That's not what I want.

I want something real.

Someone real.

A message was typed and sent before I was aware of what I was doing.  I took a page out of Margot's book and sent, "Of all the dating profiles, in all the towns,  in all the world, you swipe into mine," then laughed at myself for being so clever.

My mom and Grandma have always loved old movies.  Maybe that will come in handy now.  Those memories are some of my favorites from my childhood. Gran lived with us and kept an eye on us while my parents worked. She has been the glue holding our family together for years.

Her health has gone downhill over the last year so I need to go home more often.

I set my phone aside and let out a long breath, suddenly anxious about whether "Margot" would reply.  It's New Years Eve and close to midnight.  There's no way she is...

Shit.

A notification on my phone that I have a new message??

After swiping to check I saw it was from her.  Margot.