LOVE ; dazai & chuuya x reader [✓]

8 : the

loving someone is a beautiful experience.

loving someone so beautifully that it destroys you is ethereal. the beautiful array of flowers clogging up your respiratory system... when an autopsy is performed on the body, doctors would stare in awe at the myriad of colours within.

those flowers represent love, love that is stored- trapped, never let out. it backfires on you, killing you from within.

i was coughing flowers now- and it had only been a week since my talk with yosano. if I hadn't taken the medication, i wonder if I would've been dead by now.

yosano told me to confess. now, or never. she told me that she'll perform the surgery herself if I didn't confess by tomorrow. i understand that she's worried, but... I don't want to let go of this love. if i confess, and get brutally rejected, I'm afraid that all this stored up love would simply explode from within.

I'm afraid that they would trample all over me, disregard my feelings for them. I'm afraid.

but maybe, this was for the better.

sometimes, i wished that i had a mind-reading ability instead. if i could read their minds, maybe I would've gained the courage to confess.

I don't want to force them to love me, just for my survival. that wouldn't be optimal. trying to delude myself into thinking they loved me, when they bore great hatred within. that's...terrifying. I don't even want to imagine it.

osamu... chuuya... would these two accept my confession? would i be able to handle what comes after?

time will tell. but I'm running out of it. time never waits for anyone, after all.

(a/n: how idiotic.)

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