Flood Me Like Atlantic

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Please really mind the content warnings on this one.Content warnings: implied self harm, implied suicide attempts, mentions of addiction, mentions of self isolating, mentions of many failed suicide attempts, drowning, implied death, implied near death, mild dissociation
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Blue light over murder...

The words echoed in his mind space, hushed whispers of something so familiar, yet so... distance. Discordant notes mingling to create a hushed harmony, just off key, yet untuned just enough to almost clash with one another. Something about it remained within him, something so familiar yet... foreign. Something he should have known, leaving hints in his mind yet something that seemed just out of reach. It had been out of his reach for long enough that his own curiosity had begun to eat him alive, though the lack of progress kept the temptations at bay.

The quiet ebb and flow of that place remained still, standing at the edge of something that seemed to call so deep within him. The wave and crash of the water on the shore prior turned more violent as it lapped at the rocks below now, birds overhead cawing to warn of something deeper, something darker to come. The wing flaps echoed in his mind as well, so far yet so real... and impossibly loud for it as they fled the oncoming storm.

He had found himself sitting on that edge, staring up for a few seconds as the birds passed, and over the ledge again as his legs dangled far too high. His gaze long since set on the sea foam below, the white bubbling and pulling away again, just to repeat the process endlessly. How long would they last? Did this truly mean forever?

A wandering mind had a small stone in hand, rubbed between loose fingers until he paused, sighed, and dropped it down into the water- he didn't hear the splash. Dark gray clouds gathered in the space above, blotting out the sun and leaving the space gloomy and dimly lit. The air itself seemed to grow more tense as those first drops fell, leaving him in an eventual downpour.

Something about it felt like a sad poetic injustice, though his focus remained on the imperfect surface below, rippling violently many, many meters down. It called to him, had been calling for a long time, since...
The thought was pushed back as it usually was, a thought of what just a few achy weeks had passed, leaving him without. To be on his own was strange, left to a more hushed world than he'd grown used to. A world without those whispers, those reminders, yet also a world full of them. A mind that couldn't help but overthink the details, yet couldn't manage to forget them either.

A quiet moment passed, though those seconds held no peace for him. Those reserves had long since been burned out, withering away the quiet parts of him that fought to survive despite it. It felt wrong to be happy and so he remained without, felt wrong to live in company so he lived on his own.

Blue light over murder...

It called louder this time, moving something within him more than it had before, digging cold, sharp claws deeper into his very being. Those words... how he craved that freedom, the release of it. How he craved to be relieved from past mistakes he couldn't seem to forget. Even now, looking down at hands covered in rain water, he couldn't help but see the hints of red.
It was sugar coated, something bitter flavored to be so much sweeter and he knew it, yet... it never stopped that craving. Perhaps this was what addiction felt like, though using that word to describe it was still accurate in his mind. To chase after something he felt he needed so desperately, yet something that also never had a single good intention to offer in return.

Instances passed through his thoughts, late nights over the past few weeks in which he felt he couldn't live without. Instances in which he tried not to. It may have been better for him to remain amongst the others, yet... that rejection was still too fresh within him, the wounds still red and bleeding.. He couldn't bear to watch and be pushed away still, couldn't bear to be so close yet isolated this harshly.

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