Married to my best friend

34. Only you

M A N I K 

The past few days I spent with Nandini felt like total bliss. Moreover, I could notice the slight change in her behavior. She had gotten more expressive. In fact, it was as though she was trying to make it up to me for those lost months and everything seemed perfectly fine between us. However, it wasn't. Every time we tried getting more intimate, I could feel this hammering afterthought in my head: 'What if she runs away again?' This lingering doubt weighed heavily on my mind and I just couldn't proceed any further. 

Sighing, I leaned more on the railing, my gaze lifting towards the moonlit sky. The tranquility of the night surrounded me, and in that serene moment, I heard her groggy voice softly call my name. "Manik."

"Hmm." I turned to look at her. 

"Is something troubling you?" She shuffled sleepily towards me, rubbing her half-opened eyes.

"No." I lied. "I was just not sleepy." 

She reached me and wrapping both her arms around me, she leaned completely against my chest. "You seem distant these days."

"It's nothing like that." I assured, lightly running my hand through her hair and patting her back with my other. "You'll catch cold. Let's go inside and sleep."

She gently shook her head. "No, let's stay this way a bit longer."

"Sure." My smile grew wider as she snuggled more into me and I just continued to rub her back. 

"You know," she began, "you are my home."  She raised her head to look at me. "I am thankful to you for so many things."

"Silly," I pecked her forehead before adding, "you are my home too."

"Waaahhh!!" She faked a gagging sound, burying her head in my chest. "Too cheesy." 

"Says the one who started it." I chuckled, and she lightly hit my shoulder before resting her head against my chest. "You know mum called me today."

I squeezed her more in my arms as she continued. "The court hearing date notice came in. It's in two weeks."

"Do you want to go to the hearing?"

"No." she sounded hesitant. "I don't wanna bother them now that their shackle is finally gonna come off."

"Nandini!" Separating her from my chest, I looked into her eyes. "You aren't a shackle, and none of this is your fault."

"I know. I am not blaming myself. They don't affect me as much as they used to."

"But they still do. Are you really okay?!"

"I am. Why wouldn't I be?" Her hands cupped my cheeks as her thumbs lightly caressed my cheekbone. "After years of them enduring an unhappy marriage, they are getting divorced. It's for their best."

"And what about you?" I leaned in more into her touch, feeling the warmth of her presence. As she gracefully rose on her tiptoes, her face drew near, and before I could comprehend, her lips met mine. "I am really okay." She whispered, before kissing me again and this time with a more intense fervor. Pulling her closer by her waist, I closed my eyes as I deepened the kiss.

'I hate what's going on between us.' Her voice rung in my ears, and I instantly pulled away, a knot forming in my chest. "I-I think we should go sleep."

I tried detangling myself from her but she held me. "Manik, I have been trying to brush off this feeling but I can't anymore. What's wrong?!"

"Nothing." I replied, averting my gaze from her. However, she gently held my chin and compelled me to look back at her. "Don't lie to me."

"I- I am not lying. Everything is fine."

"Manik!" she urged, her eyes searching mine for the truth.

I averted my gaze from her. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes. 

"Manik, please!!!"

"I-I am scared... scared to lose you." I confessed, my voice tinged with vulnerability. "There's t-this constant voice ringing in my head, 'What if you run away again?'"

"I won't, Manik." her voice was low. "I am sorry I made you feel-"

I lightly placed my hand on her mouth, interrupting her. "No don't. It's not your fault." 

She gently pulled my hand off her mouth and cupped my face, making me look at her. "It took me so long to realize when it comes to you, nothing else really matters. I don't care as long as you are there beside me. I am really such a big fool, Manik."

"Nandini!" I tried interrupting, but she continued, "I can't undo what has already happened but I want you to know this time I won't run away... I can't. Five months without you was like hell for me. I won't be able to go through it again." she paused, taking in a sharp breath. "I love you."

I froze on her words. I wasn't sure if I heard her right. 

"I don't know how, when, why but you are the only one that makes me feel this way. I am overwhelmed by my own feelings and this is so unlike me but I feel like I am sane only because you are around." Her hands reached for mine, gently tracing circles in the back of my hand as she continued. "Let me make it up to you."

"You don't have to." My voice cracked.

"I want to, Manik. You can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."

"I am not dreaming, am I?" I still felt a lingering disbelief, the weight of her words slowly sinking in. She pinched my cheeks, making me wince. "No, you are not."

"You didn't have to pinch me that hard." I complained, rubbing my cheeks. "Be soft to-" my words were left incomplete when her lips met my cheek. "Feel any better?" She tilted her head slightly before adding. "Babe."

I shook my head in 'no' and she pecked my cheek again before holding my hand and lightly dragging me inside. "Let's sleep now. We have work tomorrow."

****

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
I've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night
And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

~Daylight