Twisted Wonderland

A Trip to The Ocean

Deuce sighs. "That's much better."

"Goodness gracious..."

Deuce chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. "I do this whenever things aren't going my way and I get all out of sorts. I drive to the beach and let it all out at the top of my lungs. It always makes me feel better."

Deuce looks to the sandy floor. "For as long as I can remember, I've been a slow learner. I'd study hard, but my grades always stayed below average. I wanted an excuse for why I did so poorly in school... So over time, I started taking the easy way out. 'I'm not even trying. Of course my grades are bad. It's lame to be a try-hard.' You know, stuff like that."

"Oh," Epel's eyes soften. "I didn't know."

"I was out of control for years." Deuce recalls sadly. "I became a hopeless delinquent and made my mom cry. That's when I got a letter of acceptance from the prestigious Night Raven College. I thought to myself: maybe I could get my act together and change myself if I had a new environment. This is my big chance!"

Epel takes a step closer. "And did you change? After enrolling, I mean?"

"Nope. Not a bit." Deuce chuckles. "I can play the part of an honors student, but I can't change who I am deep down. I'm still that same bad boy with grades to match. Nothing ever goes the way I want it to. But... I learned something when I came to this school. I learned that all the most capable guys struggle hard behind the scenes. Even when it's embarrassing, even when it's lame, even when it means playing a little dirty... Capable guys never give up."

Deuce looks to the lavender haired boy. "I invited you out here today because I thought maybe you were like me."

"Huh?" Epel tilts his head.

"You have this thing where you start to say something, then stop yourself, right? It comes off to me like you want to change, but you can't, so you're floundering."

"... Yeah. Maybe you're right."

Deuce nudges Epel's shoulder. "I'm the only one here. Why don't you give it a try? Let it all out at the top of your lungs. It'll make you feel way better!"

Epel looks out to the water. "Well, alright."

He takes a deep breath. "You think Ah kin turn all darlin' overnight? Are you outta yer apple-pickin' mind?"

Deuce was slightly taken aback. He didn't know what to expect, but he certainly wasn't expecting Epel to have a southern accent.

"Ah'm a farm boy from the sticks! We got more heifers'n we do people out in our part of the country! It's all Ah kin do ta talk without slippin' inta mah accent! Ah ain't never danced afore, other'n hoedowns an' field day games! How'm Ah s'posed ta know the first thing about dressin' all trendy or actin' all classy? Ah ain't never wanted ta be no darlin' anyhow! If Ah had mah druthers, Ah'd be a big an' tough an' strong man! YER A BIG OL' IDJIT, Y'HEAR?"

Epel grins, looking back to Deuce. "That felt mighty good!"

Deuce sheepishly chuckles. "I barely understood like... half of that. What language was that? Wait, was that just your natural accent? Epel, where are you from?"

"Oh, Ah'm from Harveston. It's way off in the mountains in the north part of the Shaftlands." Epel frowns at the ocean. "Vil says not to talk much around people on account o' mah accent bein' hard ta understand. Every time Ah open mah mouth, Vil gets on mah case. 'Don't speak with an accent. Address people by name. Mind your volume.' Drives me nuts, Ah tell you what!"

"I always had you pegged as a quiet, timid guy since the day we met. But boy, was I ever wrong." Deuce laughs.

Epel laughs softly. "Ah had to be careful when Ah spoke. Never knew when Vil was gonna be there to call mah accent out. An' those frilly uniform shirts Ah wear? Those ain't mah first choice, that's fer sure. Housewarden's orders."

"Wait, housewarden's orders? Really?" Deuce asks. "Your dorm doesn't have some crazy set of rules like Heartslabyul. Why is this a thing?"

"Well, lemme tell you 'bout mah orientation back in September."

Back at orientation, Epel glances around at all the different students. He's in his ceremonial robes as he thinks to himself.

Everywhere Ah look, it's all the same. Buncha highfalutin' rich boys too big fer their britches. Ah know how Ah look. Ah'm used ta gettin' treated like Ah'm some kinda wuss back home. 'Course, back home Ah gave a whoopin' ta anyone who said it ta mah face. Gotta make sure Ah don't take any guff here, too.

"You there. The new enrollee."

Epel looks to the source of the voice. "Huh? Y'want somethin'?"

Vil marches angrily to Epel. "Are you trying to make a mockery of the ceremonial orientation robes? Button up your collar at once."

Epel quirks an eye. Is this the Pomefiore housewarden? Ah sure don't want no part of a dorm run by a prim 'n proper gent like this. This beanpole ain't nothin' compared ta the Savanaclaw housewarden.

Vil scrutinizes Epel. "I wasn't sure how to appraise you at a distance. But upon closer inspection, I must say, you've quite the winsome facade."

"Win-what? You callin' me a wuss?" Epel glares. "Well, if Ah'm a pot, yer a kettle!"

"Oh, dear. Dear oh dear." Vil shakes his head as he put his hands to his hips. "You are utterly unpresentable."

"Scuse me?"

Vil gestures with a hand. "The way you dress, the way you act... Even the way you think is utterly devoid of any sensibility"

"Oh yeah?" Epel growls. "Yer gonna regret sayin' that in a few seconds! Let's take this outside!"

Vil sighs. "Why must every student selected for this school be so quick to resort to violence? It's fine, I suppose." Vil smirks. "After all, it's my duty to give my underclassmen a proper Night Raven College welcome."

Once outside the Mirror Chamber, Vil almost immediately knocked Epel down.

"Tarnation!" Epel cries out. "He ain't even usin' magic, and he wiped the floor with me..."

Vil smirks down at Epel. "Here's a lesson for you, little spudling: in this school, the rule is that the weak obey the strong. From what I can tell, you haven't been assigned to a dorm yet. Regardless, since you lost, you will do as I say."

"C-consarnit..." What's he gonna do ta me? Take all mah money? Make me his errand boy?

"Your first order of business is to button up every loose button on your robes."

Epel blinks a couple times. "Huh?"

"Now!"

Epel quickly stands and buttons his shirt.

"Next, your belt." Vil states. "You have no business letting it hang low and loose from your waist, especially considering your diminutive stature. Such disgraceful form is utterly unacceptable! And your hair! Have you even considered combing that rat's nest out?"

Epel folds his arms. "It ain't like Ah carry a comb wherever Ah go!"

"Lastly, your elocution. Speak properly."

Epel tilts his head. "Whuh? Are you sayin' mah accent ain't as good as how city folk talk?"

"Stop misinterpreting my instructions." Vil rolls his eyes. "I have nothing against your home or its dialect. What I object to is your attitude. Being proud of your home is all well and good, but there is a time and a place for that. The way you address your superiors is entirely unacceptable."

Epel growls.

"In this school, losers have no right to whine or complain." Vil continues. "If you want to voice a grievance, you'll have to beat me in a fight first. Now, what is the correct response?"

"...Yes, sir."

Vil scoffs. "Only the Dark Mirror itself knows which dorm you'll be assigned to. But pray that you don't get assigned to Pomefiore. For I am Vil Schoenheit, its housewarden. If you come under my domain, I will tolerate none of the behavior you exhibited today. Remember that. Now fix up your clothes as I instructed and get back to orientation."

Epel watches as Vil struts back into the Mirror Chamber.

"D-dagnabbit..."