Us. | A Joe Jonas FanFiction | Book 3

forty.

"I'll wrap them, I don't mind," I answer softly.

He nods silently, putting the food items away.

"Um, I was thinking... from her last doctors appointment they said that she can start eating solid when she sits up without help. She's almost there so I figured we could talk about how we want to go about that."

He clears his throat, turning around to face me, but not making eye contact. "Okay, yeah, um, I mean I figured we'd just do the typical baby food thing."

"Well, I had thought about that too but then I started reading and I was thinking maybe we could try the baby led weaning route instead."

He raises his eyebrows, laughing lightly. "That's sounds terrifying."

I nod. "Yeah, but it's basically just introducing food to them in a different way. Apparently it is supposed to help them be less picky and accept more foods since they get a variety of textures from the beginning."

His brows raise quickly before falling back into place, surprised by my research I suppose. "Okay, yeah, no that sounds good. I'm on board."

I nod. "Okay, well than I'll look into some foods that will be best to start her off. That way when the time comes, we know where to start."

He nods again. "Okay." He begins to walk away.

"Joe."

He turns back slightly, once again still not making eye contact. "Yeah?"

"How are we going to do Christmas when you can't even look at me?"

He licks his lips. "I'll find a way to fake it... you figured out how, I guess I can too."

I lick my lips, my eyes moving to the floor and my silence allowing him to walk away, climbing the stairs. The second he's gone, I recognize the build up in my chest, squeezing my eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling.

Not now. Not now. Not now. You can feel it later. There are things to do right now.

Once being able to steady my breathing and make the tears disappear behind my eyes again, I let out a breath and walk into the living room where Willa lays in her bassinet, still sleeping. I grab the wrapping paper from the closet along with all the wrapping essentials and wrap the few books Joe had picked up before cleaning up my mess just shy of her waking up, ready to once again eat and play.

I change her diaper first before allowing her to eat. By the time she's done, Joe appears in the living room, sweetly talking to her as he lifts her from my hands and moves to the floor where I had neatly picked up her toys and set them aside. I gulp the lump in my throat, licking my lips and picking myself up off the couch, walking up the stairs to allow him his time with her today without me getting in the way.

Once up the stairs, I make my way into the master bedroom, grabbing a pair of jeans, a nursing bra, and a nursing tank before taking them into the bathroom and lying them on the counter. I then start the water, allowing it to heat up while I strip from my pajamas, throwing them into the laundry basket and stepping into the shower, the warm water immediately running through my hair and down my back.

I've completely ruined my relationship. The way that I feel, the same feelings I've had since the beginning of my pregnancy that he was so understanding of, has ruined my relationship. How did I not see this coming? How did I not see my lack of being a good mother taking a toll on our relationship? On my marriage. What did I think was going to happen? This is completely my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. I don't think there is any fixing it. My husband hates me... and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.