Flames of the Forgotten

Chapter Four

Dear Chase,

I wish you were here right now. The squirrels are so crazy, they are cracking me up! This little red one chases every other one out of his tree all the time. I named him after you, a little Chase.

It's so pretty here, all the leaves have started to turn colors, yellows, oranges, and some reds even, but still, lots of green, too. It's like this lush painting. It's early, and everything has a little dew on it, but some of the pine trees already have frost on the very tips. It would be romantic to sit and look at this together.

Weird, though, to wish you were here instead of me there! I guess that means I'm adjusting. I can't believe it's been almost two weeks, but here I am. I have gotten used to being here in some ways. I'm figuring out what to do, and I'm not all scared all the time anymore.

But if given the choice, I'd rather be home watching MTV and eating a pop tart right now. 

I pause in my writing when my fishing pole moves. I oversee it but relax as it goes still again. Darn. I have had so much luck here until the last few days.

"Here, fishy, fishy," I call out quietly as I set my journal beside me.

My journal has been my biggest tool out here. In the quiet moments, I write, which helps stabilize my moods and keeps my mind from spinning out. Often, it's in a letter form to either Chase or Belinda, letters I'll never send, but it feels good to feel like I am talking to them.

I also use it to write out plans and ideas. I have a whole page dedicated to what works best in swinging the axe. I am finally improving at that, but it's still hard work.

I'm proud of myself for making it work out here. I fell into a routine, and that's really helped. However, I deviated from my routine today because I decided I needed to make a change last night.

Usually, I start with a breakfast of nuts and apples, then spend a few hours on firewood. I am still working on the first downed tree I found, but I almost have it thoroughly chopped and will need to look for a new tree soon. After firewood, I return to the cabin for a brief break and small lunch, same as breakfast. Then it's off to the creek to get water and fish and, every few days, brave the water to bathe.

It's too cold to get in the creek for a long time, so I found a bathing plan that works. I light a fire outside the creek, put water in my stock pot to warm, and use that to hand wash as much as I can. Then, I dip into the water for a rinse at the end. I make sure to get close to the fire for an instant warm-up afterward. This will work for now, but it will be too cold soon to get into the creek at all. Today, it already feels like it's nearing the forties; and I won't dare it.

I don't stink so much anymore anyway; not that I notice anyhow. I smell like a campfire most of the time. I do most cooking outside right now. For dinner I have been having fish when I catch it, either floured and fried or I boil them in water with a tiny bit of rice or noodles. Nights I don't catch fish I make a tiny bit of oatmeal and add sugar and walnuts and that's filling. 

I have managed to do well being careful and saving most of my food from home.  I put all the canned stuff away for an emergency night. It's tough, though. Some nights, I wake up drooling for peanut butter or a granola bar, and I admit I have given in on a few nights.

I know I will be glad I tortured myself later on, on those freezing winter nights but I don't have anywhere near enough for the winter. I need a better plan.

Last night, I came up with one. I decided to spend three days on food and then three days on firewood. Focusing rather than dividing my energy and attention seems like a good plan. Otherwise, I am always getting food and wood, but I keep burning and eating most of it, and I'm not giving myself much of a surplus. I figure three days on each should do that and then I can go back to my regular routine.